And to give some context, i leave just a little bit of the last part from my previous post:
Within this post i have seen/realized/understood that i have placed certain words to have certain and specific values for me, just in order for me to USE them to get myself energized and participating in the mind and NOT be HERE as my Human Physical Body/Form as i Breathe Right HERE. Thus my reward is that i am now aware of what i do and how i do it, so i can do something about it, that will eventually have an outcome that will be BEST for me and BEST for all.
art done by: Andrew Gable
**** fearing missing out on the passion
**** fear touching her, because of NOT knowing for sure if she will approve or not, and especially fearing how i will react if she would say NO to me, when i want it.
**** within lusting for her, there is also a fear underneath it, because i know that sex is never going to be the same again for me, because i have to express myself now as the body that i am with another body, and not having sex based on feelings/emotions/thoughts.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i will be missing out on passion if i do not engulf into and as passion as i perceived it in my mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create an emotion within me of missing ''passion'' as in missing the energy flow of what i used to get when having sex passionately according to how i defined passion in my mind, and because of this i have this fear now within me existent. I fear having to go through expressing me as passion, something i have never done before and the fear of this is specific to the fear of failure.
Thus within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project myself through my mind as a failure in the future if i would dare to Express myself as passion for real without thoughts/feelings/emotions being the starting-point or my motivation to engulf in the act of sex with her.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind use fear in order for me to NOT make the decision to make sure that i work on perfecting myself practically and learn little by little HOW to actually/factually truly have passionate SEX with her, as an Expression as Self.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear touching her, just because of judgments i have placed within/as myself that if she would NOT approve ME touching her, it will ''hurt'' me emotionally, because i wanted to touch her and she did NOT want me doing so, and therefore i rather choose NOT touching her at all, so i don't have to face that point, thus in this NOT taking my Self-Responsibility to actually just DO it and walk through this resistance and judgement to/towards her, which is in actuality Self-judgement.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to also fear HOW to touch her exactly, because i fear she might think/belief that the way i touch her is the way people touch each other when they are in love, which IS being seen as normal in this world, and that this will make her react within her to/towards me with negative remarks when in reality all i want IS to touch her as in really wanting to get to REALLY know how it really feels physically for real without any feelings/emotions/thoughts coming up within me to feel the skin of her body when i touch her, either with my hands or with my lips as in kissing her.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to Fear going through Rejection.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the Fear of Rejection to exist within me as me as the mind as energy, because it suits me as my Mind Consciousness System BEST. It keeps me from NOT taking physical Action/Movement, thus within keeping Fear itself well and kicking in and as ME.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to lust her in a way and yet also at the same time Fear of going into having sex with her, because i know within me that i will be uncomfortable when i engage into sex based on energy as in having as starting-point; 'Lust!'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOW that i know that i have to learn/practice SEX as REALLY being the body totally/completely as one as equal and NOT having any reactions/judgement/thoughts/feelings/emotions coming up within me, is making me fear this having SEX with another/her enormously as IT is an Unknown territory for ME, where i never have been before, because where i was before when engaging in the act of sex with another, was just to USE the body to satisfy my personality in the mind, thus having a mind-orgasm, energy rise up all the way to the head.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to Fear the Unknown within me just because i have NOT lived it yet, thus proving in this way to myself right HERE in this post that I NEVER LIVED SEX BEFORE!
When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into creation of fear within me as IF i am missing passion, I immediately STOP. I take a deep breath or many deep breaths till i am clear and stable HERE as my human physical body/form and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that i use this concept that i have created myself of passion in order for me to NOT Really get to the point of actually living passion, thus that passion is my expression as the whom i am, as for example walking or talking.
Therefore i commit myself to work on this passion and learn/practice it till it becomes the whom i am, as i express myself within and as passion through the act of sex with another and also thus with everything else that i will do, because it is one of the many expressions that pertains to my human physical body/form.
When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into judgement/justifications, i just immediately STOP----------------- Take a deep breath and remind myself within and as my breath that i am HERE, and make sure that i stay HERE focused within/as my breath and my human physical body/form till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that i am using these judgement and justifications because i fear being rejected or fear how i will react being rejected.
Thus within this, I commit myself to utilize the tools of Self-forgiveness and Self-commitments in Self-honesty to tackle this specific fear and little by little as i walk this fear of rejection through and push myself to go through resistances till i am effective in living as the whom i am as the human physical body/form without fear, without judgement, without justifications, and to keep reminding myself that all of this is a Process is NOT something that happens over night.
When and as i see myself going into fear of an unknown territory, I immediately STOP. I take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE through focusing on my breathing long and deep and slow, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that i have this specific fear of the Unknown as in this case actually expressing me as sex during sex as my human physical body/form totally and completely as one as equal as Self, with another because i NEVER LIVED it before, thus as i said: '' I NEVER LIVED SEX BEFORE!''
Now that i have walked these specific fears, i am now more aware of the patterns i have accepted and allowed within and as myself and thus this give me now a window of opportunity to actually Do something about it, thus this point of '' LIVING SEX'' is what i must get practically as an expression of myself as the human physical body/form. Thus my Reward that i give to myself HERE within this post in relation to this specific Dimension is, that i can see what the fears i have created within and as myself can do in the form of me NOT taking my Self-Responsibility when i have to and able to in a moment and turn everything around as to what will be BEST for me and also for others as me that are in my direct environment.
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