Day 251, desteni; another belief-system. Really?

 desteni; just another belief-system. Really?

My name is: Larry Manuela, i am 40 years old.
I was born and raised on a little island in the Caribbean called: Bonaire.
I am now living in The Netherlands.

 I am going to tell you; the reader a little bit of what i was doing in my life, before i came across desteni, even though i told this in my previous posts before. This is to sum it all up a little and give my prespective as a witness as a participant in the group called: '' desteni.''  I am not going to go into all the details otherwise this post will be very long.

Before i stumbled upon desteni, i was an individual that was questioning my own existence and the existence of life, and with the existence of life i mean; what is life really?

The thing is, i wasn't really that serious, i mean really really serious about it all, but it was like there all the time in the back of my mind haunting me now and then. As i was becoming older and older and with the events that were taking place in my life, made me always go to/arrive at these two questions; why am i here and what is life really?


I was investigating/researching lots of information in books primarily and then on the internet later on, i read so much information that did not made any sense and some that did, that i don't even remember all the books and articles and whatever i read back in that time. In some of them there were some very interesting stuff, but in the majority of them it always left me with a sense of; there is something MISSING. Why is it that these information are not satisfying me? I did not even know what exactly i was looking for that was not satisfying and even if satisfaction had anything to do with it all? Was that all i was looking for, to satisfy my desire to know stuff, so i can feel special about myself, that i know some secret stuff that most average person don't know and don't even bother to know, why was this important, was my question to myself back then?

 In December of 2009 after having some argument with my ex. girlfriend, i was browsing the internet as i was always doing at the time trying to find something, a lead, just something that may open up something somewhere, so i can find something that is substantial, something that is more detailed or making more sense in a way. 

So by watching the videos i stumbled on one of the videos of the portal where Anu was speaking through the portal about why he did what he did, and because of already knowing a great deal about Anu in many spiritual circles and some esoteric knowledge i found that somehow what i was hearing this Anu speaking through the portal as the body of the girl, which by the way her name is Sunette Spies, was very appealing and sounded like something i never heard before, it just made lots of sense. More sense then what i previously heard about Anu, so i said to myself let me investigate some more videos about this girl and then i went to visit their website and started reading all their material they had. And in the beginning i was comparing the material with other material that looked to me like they were similar and i could not see the difference immediately.

 Little by little as i read more and more of it and i started applying the tools, that desteni presents, thus; writing myself to freedom, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application, common sense, self-honesty and breathing after a 3 to 4 months i started to see/realize/understand the material better and clearer and also started to see/realize/understand myself better. And in the beginning it all was so wonderful, because i was so happy that i have finally found what i was looking for and without even knowing what exactly i was looking for, i just knew that; this is it, this is what i missed in all the messages out there, that seem to talk about life and creation and all the stuff that matter and are important to me and to most people in this world. And the people that were in the group for years already i saw that their way of expressing themselves through words were phenomenal.

So the first big changes i have noticed within myself was that i became very self-empowered, like for example; i became more daring to open my mouth at work when i could see that decisions that were being made were not being made in the best interest of all as they once promised. And also that i can do something by myself, all i need is to use the tools desteni presents and actually do it. And then from all these little changes, like for example; not constantly looking at women's asses, not paying attention to women's legs, not worrying about things i know need practical support instead of sitting and worrying about it, not fearing making mistakes, less stress about finishing or not finishing something on time, stopping drinking, stopping eating certain foods, and starting drinking coffee, my taste in certain specific foods have changed, not using shampoo anymore, making my own youtube videos, not using toothpaste anymore and just sea-salt in lukewarm water, shaving my head, being grateful and thankful for the food i will take into my body etc etc......

Let me explain the why of shampoo, youtube videos and toothpaste.

Not using shampoo, was/is because with that little gesture i can make sure that no pollutants will be in the water, thus taking my own self-responisbility for what i will use or not will use according to the principle of what is BEST for all LIFE, that will come through and via our taps, and because i am shaving my head all the time, the need for shampoo has also become obsolete, because a shaved head is very practical. And then i can support with my money in something/someone that is supporting LIFE, instead of investing it in buying shampoo. At desteni we also had a campaign in the past called: '' faceworld- faceoff, shave your hair for the earth.'' Because by shaving your hair, you will get lots of attention for doing so, good and bad. Especially the females in our groups, because females according to the brainwashing in this world are not suppose to shave their hair off, because hair on a females head is their symbol for beauty and especially having long hair. So all of these are the delusions that we have imposed upon the world and ourselves about what we think/belief this or that or how someone should look, and how ourselves should look. So this little experiment was to empower oneself to walk through one's own fear of being found not beautiful looking anymore and to be rediculed and laughed at and all the negative experiences that comes with it within oneself and in the outside world through other people. And when it comes to the earth matter; we were making a statement that shampoo is not needed anymore when there is no hair and with no hair all of us look the same, so the point of Equality came into the picture too and showing that if one choose not to use shampoo, less pollutants will end up in our drinking water and water for the plants and animals. And all of this was not forced upon us to do. It was just an experiment that those whom wanted to, could participate in and also if one have a job where you have to be presentable at it, you can't be doing that. I stick to my head shaving, because i found it very practical.

Making my youtube videos, was something i was afraid of doing, because in the beginning i was judging myself as what people might think about me, and especially those whom might know me, but after pushing through i dare myself to do it in order to get through the fear of being judged and making the videos little by little, helps with expressing oneself verbally better.

 The reason why i don't use toothpaste anymore is because of the amount of chemicals that exist within them that more likely are in it to help you with a trip to the dentist much easier then not using toothpaste. So here once again with this i am NOT supporting a company that is putting products for consumption that are NOT what is BEST for LIFE. There are much more simple little things that i am practicing on to test myself and to look how my body will react and to actually listen to it and look for little changes in habits and behaviors, because as we have mentioned many times and also as we have investigated; not many products in this world can be trusted, because one simply does not know what is really in it, so to prevent harming my body, it is better to stick to simple things that are practical and that can support the body more effectively. We have lots of these kinds of research going where sometimes a lot of people in the group participate, and this is not a  MUST or a rule, it is to find out for oneself what one's body is more comfortable and effective with and also to learn to have a more intimate relationship with one's own body, and not stuff it up with chemicals that are not suppose to be in it. We just keep it simple.

There is one other  thing too that i almost forgot to mention, and that is; i used to buy stuff, just to buy it. With this i mean; the buying was on a desire, a wanting. Now i buy stuff that i only NEED. For example, if i go and buy clothing, it will be because i need the clothing, not because i just want the new brand that is out or whatever.

These seem little to some but to me were big changes, like not drinking anymore, even though i stopped before desteni, but yet now and then i did drink a little if i went out, but then with being in desteni and applying the tools i realized i can live without having to drink and get drunk to express myself in certain way, because this ''way'' is not me in reality, this is a personality that will come out to play under the influence of alcohol, so i just stopped completely and not a drop, or even a craving. When it comes to food, now that i have listen to my body i have noticed that fish does not work for me, i can't eat fish anymore i get diarreah immediately, so my body is also changing i can listen to it. A lot have changed in my diet, i am even drinking black coffee with no sugar in it, something i never thought i would have done in my life before.

When it comes to anger, which in the beginning i was falling into a lot, i also managed to stop participating in anger even though there are little moments here and there, but i can see them, they cannot appear out of nowhere without me being unguarded and thus i can apply myself accordingly with the tools desteni presents.

So then i started getting more into the nitty gritty stuff, through writing myself out and applying self-forgiveness and the corrective statements to reach  the more deeply hidden stuff/the secret stuff within myself and suddenly things started to change, meaning; it wasn't that fun anymore, because i was finding out that there is nothing within me of what i expected at all and all i could find was just fear, justifications, judgments, reactions, backchats  etc etc.......... everywhere within me, and i started to resist and then fall down and get up and stand and get up, resisting going back and forth, and i keep on reminding myself that; 'all of this is part of the process of change,' and that it is not going to be all fun and nice and smooth even though i know within myself that in these moments i just have to remind myself to breathe HERE and then  none of these things will bother me or be part of me, but yet i keep on falling and standing, like i am deliberately doing so, saying all the backchats in the mind like: '' you better quit, you are just no good, you are not gonna make it, Looooseeerrr.''

Now i am in a dire situation financially so to speak. My past is haunting me, things that i have done and even forgot about it are coming to haunt me now in this moment when i am in a weak moment, but i can see it, i am aware of it, i see the trap, and assistance and support is everywhere, the group is strong and the support is great, through all means, through the blogs we write, through the material itself and on EQAFE and our chats, and when i cannot be there for the chats i read them later on, and keep on staying within what the group is doing and sometimes i take like too much things and i don't finish them, because i am not prioritizing what i must do first and what next, but guess what? All of this is my process, you see?

So if it was not for desteni, what i am going through right now, i would have given up on everything and just went viral, with this i mean; find an easy way out with my debts instead of standing within and as it and just breathe through whatever comes to me and see how i can handle it in common-sense when it presents itself, because it is my creation, my consequence i have to face, and thus find practical solutions within the parameters of what is here now as the system we live and participate in.

And on love i have also through desteni come to see/realize/understand for myself the un-realness of love as this feeling that has got everyone under a spell in this world. What is still left that i am working on, is let's say; the body language of that system of ''feeling love.''   Feeling love itself or falling in love itself is as good as done, i am certain of this, i cannot be brainwashed by no-one with this, it is very clear to me, that i am the one that accept and allow the feeling of love to be part of me or not, and when that happens than i must be the creator of this love, love is my own creation. So how can my creation have more power over me and how is it that i am NOT one and equal with it when it appears apparently out of nowhere within me and i am then just an experiencer of the feeling of love or of falling in love?

I also started to notice how little by little my behavior at work is changing and how i am taking lots of tasks that i would have never dare to take in the past, because in the past i would fear myself failing in doing it, thus i won't even go there. I am in a group at work where i am a sub-team leader, this is something i would have never taken in the past, because i will fear myself having to do presentation before lots of people and being afraid to make mistakes and been found stupid or whatever, so this is a major change for me.

When it comes to my family and some friends i see that little by little i am like being left alone, because most of them do not really get what i am doing, they do not get the message of oneness and equality, that which is BEST for all LIFE. It seem to be a very difficult message for most people to get, let alone live, and this living part is even hard for us too that are part of the group and for me for sure, and yet all of this i also see it as fun in all the messy as it appears, because all of it is part of the learning process of what i have to learn in order for me to really stand for real, when the falling and standing up stops, when I DECIDE for real, that it is enough, because it is time consuming and holding me and the group back and thus; moving slow and it is not practical.

I am starting to realize for myself how postponement is so stupid, because no matter how much i postpone, i am going to have to do my own stuff anyways, no-one else can do it for me, it is all about me, this may sound a little selfish to some, but it is what it is and it is true, i can only change me and then walk as the change i have become and live it as an example for others to see/realize/understand for themselves and i have to mention and say and LIVE it in self-honesty exactly as what i am living now, for those whom may find themselves one day in a similar situation i am in right now, to never give up on yourself as LIFE, even though this is an understanding in common sense and not a living statement as the whom one is yet; the ''yourself as life'' part.

So why am i writing all this? It is because i am an actual witness to myself in using the tools desteni presents as how i have changed and how i am walking my own process even though i have slowed down a lot, there is this spark in me and also through the others in the group that assist and support me that i know is going to push me over this slumber. It is a MUST, and not because of desteni may say so if you may have that belief, but because i can see that i am responsible for what happens HERE when i am HERE and thus as long as i am HERE, i have to take my self-responsibility, especially when i have realized what is going on in this world and i see within myself what is exactly in others as myself. And this seeing/realizing/understanding my self-responsibility to myself and all of life, could have never been HERE if it wasn't for desteni, i would have never realized this simple fact of and about myself in relation to how i live have an impact and effect on all that is HERE. Now all i have to do is live this fact.

So to answer my own question as the heading of my post here; desteni another belief-system, really? I have to honestly answer this question that desteni is NOT a belief-system. Desteni does use systematic practical approaches that are life-principled to be applied practically in order for one to actually live the change one want to see in the world, but a belief-system desteni is NOT to me and certainly NOT a scam!

Thanks.

Larry Manuela