Talking with I, a few days ago i have noticed and realized within me that i have this program within me that came up, which was that i had a look at my relationships in the past and i saw that i was not challenged in my relationships. Now understand, when i say challenge here i am not talking about challenge as in ''intelligence'' or ''competiveness.''
I am talking about the simple fact of being comfortable with someone that is accepting and allowing me as the personality i have become in this world to roam around freely.
I have noticed and realized that all these wonderful sayings that we use in the world-system in relation to relationships as they are lived in this world at the moment are the defenders and supporters of our personalities. For instance sentences as:
*** '' We must accept someone for whom they are inside, the outside is not so important.''
*** '' The person's heart is what counts.''
*** '' The character of what the person is presenting is what is important and not so much how they look like.''
*** '' I love you for your personality.''
*** '' You are such a lovely person.''
When i have a look at these statements i/we use or have used closely, i can see that all these statements are related to in order to induce a positive outcome for the one whom wants/desires and is in need of a positive energetic experience, which is actually the whole basis of relationships as they exist in this moment in this world. It is all about finding that ''one person'' to be happy with. And being happy is all about a positive energetic experience.
So all of that is what i found and realized within me as me NOT being challenged, because my personalities i have become were accepted and allowed. I was found by the girfriends as someone that has; ''a nice heart,'' '' a good person,'' '' someone that really shows me that they care about me,'' '' someone that sees and treat me as their special person for them alone and only them,'' '' someone that loves kids.''
So all these traits were/are part of my personality playout in this world. And i see/realize and understand that these personalities are the ones that are more desireable by many people IF not all people in this world. So if we find someone with these traits we are not going to challenge them at all, because apparently one possesses the things the other is wishing for, want and desires. So when i have these characters/personalities all i have to do is be them/play them out and all goes smoothly because the other one does not want to ''loose'' me. So by living as these personalities in the mind, i am in fact not growing, not expanding and learning anything about myself and also in the same breath i am accepting and allowing the other person to keep on being in character to support my character. So we can both get our dosis of positive energetic experiences. Thus i am in this manner manipulating others to get what i want and others accept my manipulation through their own manipulation to also get want they want. It is an exchanging of roles of personalities it seem.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to being comfortable without being challenged as the whom i am, because the whom i am in my mind was never challenged before, because of the personalities i lived as within and as this world were all personalities that are acceptable by the majority of people, especially to women whom were attracted to me and then became my girlfriends.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate others using my personalities to get what i want and desire in a relationship.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let others manipulate me so through their manipulation get my reward as a positive energetic experience, a.k.a '' being happy.''
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the phrase: '' We must accept someone for whom they are inside, the outside is not so important,'' implying that the personality i am looking for in another is what i need in order for ME to feel happy inside myself, an idea i created within myself and tell myself that the other must have to make ME feel happy about myself.
I forgive myself that in have accepted and allowed myself to give more value to the personality in the mind of another than to give value to the body of the other that is actually real.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only see the body as a carrier of the personality and validate it as something that i can use if it appeal to my needs by manipulating the personality within it through giving it more value then the body that houses it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the sentence: '' The person's heart is what counts,'' by this using the physical heart as a means to validate the persona's depthness, because the heart is the organ that pumps the blood to circulate the oxigen througout the body and with this i also see the heart through the mind as more important than other organs of the body with their own unique functions within and as the body, thus giving the persona in the mind the same separate value of ''more then'' by linking and use it as a comparison to the heart. Thus within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give certain organs/parts of my body more value then other parts and then through this link it to the persona in the mind as also being or having that same value.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the sentence: '' The character of what the person is presenting is what is important and not so much how they look like,'' trying to convince myself and others that the personalities i/we playout in the world through/via my/our bodies are more important then the body itself that these personalities need in order to exist.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at someones presentation as a character and not as whom the being is in fact as a totality and within this only look at the positive things about the person. If the person have lots of things that are negative according to me, i will not choose the person, and if the body has nice shapes and the face is pretty i will let what i see as negative in the personality slide, within this then choosing the body based on the images i have in my mind of how a body should look like for me to like it, and not actually looking at the body as an equal to my body.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the sentence: '' I love you for your personality,'' because according to my mind consciousness system, that is what is important and also the whole world is talking and teaching about this, that the personality is what is important about a human being, and not THE human being itself, all of what it consist of and exist as a manifested life-form equal and one with and as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only focus on one aspect of what the human body consists of and exists as, and even within this not seeing/realizing/understanding that i am focusing on the part that is not really real, it is only being experienced as if it is real, but it is not actually real for it cannot exist on itself without the body and just exist on breathing on itself. Thus the personality that i belief i am cannot walk on itself outside the body breathing and be in this world without my human physical body, it is totally dependent on my human physical body and the functions of the human physical body for its existence within the body.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the sentence: '' You are such a lovely person,'' because of the value i have given the personalities within myself and others as myself as being MORE valuable then the body itself and the LIFE that is within it and everything else.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always seek the positive energetic experience, because i belief that this is what i must find and seek in order to have a happy experience on earth and is even the reason and purpose of my existence on earth, without seeing/realizing and understanding that my real existence on earth is to express me as life as this human form in its full potential to support myself as life as all as one as equal so that life is not only celebrated, but also honored in each expression to express itself in its fullest expression and reach its own perfection in expressing itself in this physical reality of earth and physical exitence in its totality.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that by giving value to my personalities and others personalities i am in fact choosing deliberately to put the personalities on a pedestal above the physical reality that they are dependent on and also on life itself.
O.k. within the next blog i will be writing the Self-commitment statements in regards to these Self-forgiveness statements.
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