Now within this blog I am investigating within myself how work and communication with the children are being affected with the problems I have with money in the moment in the form of debt.
When it comes to work, the way I am affected in relation to money is, that I have to do a work that I am not really interested in doing, but HAVE TO do it anyways, because I have to take care of myself within this system that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become. So when at work and when certain and specific problems manifest themselves that I see that are problems related to making the machine to function in a proper manner/way and it is not being done, because the quantity that have to be produced is at risk and we have little time left, makes me react to the whole job within itself, because within myself I am someone that in practical work, I love to take my time to make something function perfectly so I do not have to every time keep on having to fix the same thing over and over and over again. And this is what is happening at work, the same problems are manifesting over and over and they are not really being fixed as it should be, otherwise they won't be manifesting all the time, very simple. And this is why I do not like this job, because there is no time for no-one to actually properly do their jobs in the best possible way, because the amount that have to be produced goes first. And this is because the factory have to make more and more money, and the more products we produce the more money the factory makes. And based on this the workers then have to function using a machine that is not properly running at its optimum capacity, which through this making the one that runs the machine having to run around trying to prevent the same old problem from keep on repeating itself with no avail, costing more time and lots of scrap to be heeped up, which is for the company loss of money. So in the end the running after the quantity to make more money produces more and more stress among the workers and put more commanding stressful pressure on the workers with lots of rules as to try and find out within a stressful environement what trully is going on, when in reality what is going on is that the machine itself needs an overhaul sound technical maintenance or repair to function as best as possible. So all this, makes the job that I do a challenging job to me, because the condition in which I have to work are not comfortable and are stressful and hasty.
Now, in regards with the communication with my children that do not live here, but have moved to another country, here to because of money is limiting my approach within communication to/towards them, because the money I have is not enough for me to always be in communication to them, and then besides that, I have my working hours and shifts that makes it more challenging, because when the possibility exist that I can communicate with them, they are then in another country at sleep or at school, because of the time difference and when I can I am at work. Thus what rest me is only the weekends and within the weekends again, money will play a role, because in order to call them I need money. So all in all, I am not content nor satisfy with the frequency of the communication which in turn makes me sad and also gives me a sense of guilt, because I am in a position where I am not financially stable enough that I can do more about the frequency of communication and make it more fluid and consistent, as I really want it to be.
So within this all the debts I have put myself in within the past either by foolish decisions in the past or some debts that are just debts that have to be taken when one is not earning enough to not have debts, all in all today have its influence in the form of consequence in my life. So for this let me now move to the self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements within these points.
Self-Forgiveness & Self-Commitment statements:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make an issue about my job in finding it something that I am not really interested in doing but have to do it anyways because of having to survive in the system and instead of just letting this worrying about what well and what not, in how things are going and just do what I see I can do in a moment at work that is what is best for all and just do it, I let myself get overpowered by this worry and disatisfaction about the work and lose myself within and as my mind.
When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into judging my work and my place with my work and how I do my work, I STOP-------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that I am judging my work and thus judging myself within and as my work wherein I create disatisfaction within and as myself to/towards my work and lose myself within and as my mind within and as this judgement, which is Self-judgement.
Thus within this, I commit myself step by step meticulously to work out this judgement I have created within and as myself to and towards my job through the writing support for myself of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life, till I am free from this judgement and when I am at work to just focus on my breathing while working and make sure I just do what I have to do, to do the job as best as I can and leave it to that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame people at work that are suppose to fix the machine to make it work properly that they are not doing so within and as myself and because of seeing that the machine are not running properly because of this blame, makes me then react against my work itself as a job I do not like to do, because I have to work on a machine that is not functioning well and due to this will make my personal job, running the machine not as effective as it should be, thus impairing my performance at the machine with the consequence of the possibility of being the one that is blamed for not producing more quantity as the factory expect of me when running the machine.
When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into blaming others about their work to defend my self-interest which will be to running the machine ineffectively, I STOP------------Take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize I am blaming the ones that their work at work is about fixing the machine, because I see my self-interest at risk, my survival at risk due to this.
Therefore, I commit myself to make sure I work out within myself this blame of others just to protect my self-interest and step by step when at work make sure I just stick to what I have to do on the machine and do my best to do it properly and if there is something I can add to help those whom are doing the fixing, to do so and not judge them and make sure that I am stable in my communication to/towards them and also clear and breathe, focusing on physical work my hands have to do to do the work and just be completely focus on that and within that do my best and that's it.
To be continued............................................
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