Day 254, loosing patience with the machine and people at work.

I am working on one specific machine at work and this machine always have problems. Since i am working in this factory, which is approximately 3 years, i never saw that machine work lets say 2 weeks in a row without having any problems, it may run one week without problems, then suddenly something will start happening with it and eventually it will just get worse and worse till they decide that they have to seriously look at it.



                         

Now what i have noticed is that when something goes wrong with the machine the people in higher position always come down to look at what happened. They say they are investigating where the problem lies and what caused the problem. In reality they are coming down to look for someone to blame, looking for THE: ''who did it?''

I have written down everything that happened in  the logbook that we have where we have to make notes and little discriptions of what the problem is and where it originated from and if it was fixed or not, and if there were parts-replacements that have been made in relation to the problem. So the people upstairs did not read my information in the logbook and blamed one of my colleagues that it must have been him that did something wrong that made them having to put so much products on hold, when in reality i wrote everything down.

In relation to this little story here, i see within myself that when the people get all paranoid and are in a state of looking for others to blame because they don't want to be the one that is blamed and they talk to me like in a very commanding voice and almost screaming and being angry as IF it must be me that is doing something wrong to the machine, when in reality i am doing everything as i am suppose to be doing it, there is nothing i do that is out of context or not as it should be done--------- i then have to take a lot of breaths sometimes, to not get angry myself, it doesn't work all the time, sometimes i just have to turn around and leave them with unfinished words in their mouths, because i am one of the people that if i make a mistake i openly admid it, i am not afraid of loosing my job. I refuse to try and blame others just to safe my self-interest even if it would mean loosing my job.  This trying to blame someone else without really investigating thoroughly what the problem really is, is like a virus within the working environment that i find myself in. We work under lots of pressure and fear for not making mistakes and these then produce exaclty that which they are trying to avoid. The situation is very stressed and hurried. Everything must be faster and faster. And i am seeing a trend manifesting; that the more clients we get, the more stuff we have to do on our own and thus less time to really pay attention to the Quality details, and to make the problem worse, the machines are not working at their very best, they have constant malfunctions. No matter how much they rap about that; the Quality of the product goes first, in practice it is the Quantity that we all see and know goes first!! The moment one of the machines come to a stand-still, everyone that is on a position as supervisor or management get stressed immediately, because to them it means; no production and no production means no money. So it is all about the money at the end of the day no matter how much they try and TALK about we must pay very much attention to the Quality of the product and that, that goes first and is of utmost importance.

Now this blame game is making me very tired, because it is everywhere at work, the workers blame the supervisor, the supervisor blame the management and the workers, the management blame the workers and the supervisor and the bosses blame usually also the workers but put the pressure on the management to put the pressure on the supervisor and eventually the workers, and then from there when we move outside the company, one will have some clients that will blame the factory, if they encounter some problems with the products we delivered, and it all lead to the money in the end, who is going to be blamed and eventually having to PAY. So the point of blame is being used  for two reasons:

• to make sure the factory/company can save some money
• to make sure that if there are claims to make, to make some more money

Now we have a dilemma, because everyone is blaming each other in order to not be the point of blame themselves or in order to gain some self-interest, thus to make money using the the point of blame. There is no forgiveness in this world system. The moment there is a problem, the problem is being seen as a ''loosing money'' point. And loosing money in this world system is something no-one wants to go through. And if one is unfortunate enough to be found the cause of the problem even when it was not intentional, that someone will PAY in some way or another, usually it mean; this person will loose his/her job. Now because everyone then sees this, the fear goes up exponentially, the fear for loosing their jobs. And then this have in its turn a stressed and paranoid working condition among the people working in such environments.

Self-forgiveness in regards to my points in regards to this particular event and/or circumstance:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to loose my patience with the machine and the people that accuse or blame me as IF it is my fault that the machine is not working well, when i know it is solely that machine itself that have some malfucntions that happens to occur exactly when it is my turn to run it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel a little as being seen as ''not good enough'' due to this and in this order;  making me feel like i don't care for anything anymore, in other words wanting to play to victim game.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/wish/desire to play the victim game.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let the want/wish/desire to play the victim game to be part of me as me, within and as my mind consciousness system, wherein i victimize myself when in reality i am NOT, just because there is this knowing within me that they did not see me how i am working at the machine and that i didn't make any mistake and within this, because i cannot proof it, because it will be my word against theirs.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief/think that it will be so, when in actuality none of this happened, it just what i think and belief, it is not a fact.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wanted/desired/wished to lash out back at them when they are lashing out at me as if i am the one that did something wrong with the machine, when i am absolutely sure i did not, and wherein this makes me very angry. Within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let anger exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to everytime i have to work on the machine i already go within myself having a backchat: '' i hope this fucking thing works without any problems today, working on my fucking nerves every time.''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: '' i hope this fucking thing works without any problems today, working on my fucking nerves every time,'' to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not even noticed that i am blaming the machine, when the machine itself is also not the problem, because the machine just functions as how the humans assemble it, it just follows certain mechanical rules and technical informations that the human placed within it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief that it is within my place to judge and blame others and myself to and the machine in order to look for a way for myself to protect my self-interest, evenn within the situation when i am aware that i am not the point of blame or fault, i still react to the people blaming me, thus having a reaction on blame itself. Therefore, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react on being blamed and thus perpetuate the point of blame within this world, this reality.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by accepting the point of blame to be done to me and let it continue, i am in fact accepting the point of blame in the world at large, and that sometimes it is better to just let it be, when i know i can find some way within the system to talk to someone aside and explain to them that they are blaming me based on assumption and not on facts.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let the blame be on me, just because of the fear of confrontation with the actual truth and how the other may respond, thus my own assumption on how otjhers may respond if i am to stop the blame within me and thus also outside of me through other people.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the implications that goes with the point of blaming, for it keeps the assumptions in myself  as valuable point of assessing information about myself and also others outside myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give in, in assumptions about myself and about what others assume about me or what i think/belief they assume about me, when all of it is just within and as my mind consciousness system.


Self-commitment statements:


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into blaming and assumptions, i STOP------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I see/realize/understand that within me exists what i myself think/belief exists in others as blame and assumptions.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into victime-mode, I STOP------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I see/realize/understand that when i give attention to my own assumptions and also what i think and belief others might assuming about me, i get into a victim mode to deal with it, instead just breathe and be HERE and not get into reactions within myself that have an outcome as emotions as blaming and assuming.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into letting myself get into reactions/thoughts/backchats, i STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear amnd stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I see/realize/understand that i am participating within the same thing i am thinking and believing others are participating in within myself as the reactions and thoughts and backchats that appear within me as me as the mind as energy.


Thus within this i commit myself to make sure that whenever i react, i blame, i assume things about myself or others, i have backchats, i have reactions and thoughts, to immediately make sure that i refuse to participate and make sure that i go and do something that is physical in that particular moment and to focus on my breathing and the physical application i will be choosing to do in the moment and if there are still some remains within to take notes later on in my phone and when i am at home i can write them out to find out what else is lurking within me that i haven't investagted yet and therefore are in need of correction.


I commit myself to STOP participating or wanting to participate in playing the victim game within and as myself and make sure to if this comes up within me to remind myself in that moment to breathe and take a physical action, so i don't engage in the whole victim game within my own mind.




Self-Reward:

Within this post i have seen/realized/understand that due to blame and assumption leads to me playing a victim game, wherein i feel protected in a sense, when all of it is in my mind and are not facts, thus now that i have seen this within myself is much easier to recognize them when they come up and also to not participate because i already know what outcome it will have, and the outcome is not what is best for me nor for anyone, it is purely an outcome that involves defending my Self-interest.





Thanks.



Larry Manuela

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