So now I am continuing with more self-forgivenesses and see if I can start today in this blog with the self-commitments that will have to be lived by myself.
Here is a little of what I finished with yesterday:
" I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from that first day that I have given up on the game I loved the most, I have taken this behavior into other aspects of my life, that will become part of my life in my future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a pattern of giving up as in: "when the tough get going, the going get tough," to exist within and as my life.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that I was actually giving up on my own dream without giving it my best and my all."
Now before I continue I have to look at a point or a few points within the story I wrote that I need to dig deeper into within myself what they really meant and what they contributed to.
" One day when I was a kid I did ask him why he never came to see me play, he said, it was because he never in his life liked being in crowded places like stadiums and such. I couldn't understand it really as a kid, but I just accepted it."
" I didn't take it serious any longer and eventually I stopped playing completely, and never became what I dreamt to be/become."
Self-forgiveness & Self-commitment statements:
I forgive msyelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ask my father specifically what he meant when he said to me that he did not like being in crowded places and instead have chosen to accept what he said to me without really understanding the why.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to question the WHY I just accepted my father's words without questioning them in order for me to understand what he was saying for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that accepting something in a moment one day/someday may become clear as I grew older, when in reality I did not see/realize and understand that within that moment I am busy accepting my own limitation of not understanding something and leave it to what it is, without questioning it further, thus create a pattern for myself within myself where I will be living a life of accepting things that I do not understand, and thus not question anything I don't understand, when dealing with people or even systems that are representing authority in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that if I were to question my father on what he said to me I would be disrespectful to him and out of place, as I have accepted and allowed myself to accept within myself that as a kid one does not question parents, because apparently they know better.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that because parents are parents they are suppose to know better, and accepted this concept without question.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to question my father because he is my father and questioning his words would be something I am not suppose to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that doing what I am not suppose to be doing is a "good thing," because it keeps me free from challenges and also confrontations that may lead to situations or events that will leave me with a experience of uncomfortability within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to go through an experience of uncomfortability and thus protect it within myself as something negative or bad, and thus when there is a situation or an event that can lead to uncomfortable experiences within myself, I make sure I avoid going into it or face it, and thus create all kinds of defense mechanisms and thus never be able to get rid of that which I experience as uncomfortable within and as myself but instead choose to keep it intact and as a guard within and as my mind, because within myself I am aware that if I am to challenge that which is uncomfortable within and as myself I will find out what is limiting myself and thus will have to change myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to change myself and use that which I experience as an uncomfortability within myself to protect what I believe myself to be in my mind in order to not have to change myself or go through the process of having to change myself practically to actually BE myself here as my human physical body one and equal as life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to change myself, because I have accepted and allowed myself to live a life of acceptances and allowances as they come and not really create myself in each and every moment as what will be best for myself and all life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as a personality in my own mind that accept concepts about HOW to live, but never really actually practically LIVE as one as equal with and as LIFE, but instead live according to concepts and believes seen and interpreted by my mind that are not equal and one with how life functions here within and as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when things are not working as I thought they should be working for me, is reason enough for me to give up and leave it alone, and don't bother looking for a solution that will be best for me, and for the relationships I have with everything else in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by living a life of a quiter wherein each time a challenge present itself as something that looks bigger then myself or too much to handle, I have to quit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that when something is being seen and interpreted/perceived to be too much for me to handle or too big for me to try, that it necessarily means that I have to leave it alone or give up and not go through with it, thus quiting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the concept of quiting within my mind in order to not have to change myself and not be quiter anymore, or live a life that will create cnsequences for myself wherein I will choose in the end to quit.
I will do Self-Commitment statements in the next blog.
To be continued................................
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