I left in my previous blog the following in writing:
" I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself the power to be based on assumptions and believes about money, and due to this create a whole personality around money and how I am going to be dealing with money in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more credit on what men do with money than what women do with money, just because I believe that I am a man and man thus stick together in what they do as man especially in close circles of family."
The continuation of the Self-forgiveness statements & Self-Commitment statements:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and belief that the way to live with money, and using money is to spent it like the men in my family is/was spending it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the women in my family as how they live and treated money as something that is not fun to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that the way the men in my family is/was treating money is much more fun and what should be lived by all that do have money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to be more generous when I have money, just because when I have money in a world where money has become life, I am in my mind expressing and giving life and thus doing something that is "good/positive," when in reality I am just showing off and see myself as having more then others thus, using it to feel good about myself or better about myself in comparison to others as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for things I can spent money on when I have money, because in my mind I believe I am contributing to the economy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy things without really paying that much attention to the prices, because as long as I can see that I can afford in that moment I will brush the awareness off of myself as seeing that I am creating a consequence for myself in the future where I will be without money that I will be needing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to donate a lot of money to charity foundations and found it a challenge to say no, just because I judge the donations to charities as something "good."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat others that are with the individual I am personally going to treat, because I see it as something not nice to do, to treat only one person when they are all together, because I see it as excluding the others as less valuable to also receive a treat from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat myself mostly with foods that I like, like ordering foods of restaurants, and going out for a walk and go to places where food is being sold so I can spent money on food or just go into the supermarkets and look for foods I would normally not buy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as more communicative when I have money in comparison when I don't have money, because I experience myself as more freely expressing myself with money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I have money I get myself into a mood where I will be interested in wanting to buy that thing I always wanted to buy, just because I have the money to do so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I have money to be happy and sorround myself with people that are fun to be with, because I believe that when I have money I can be fun, without seeing/realizing and understanding that fun have nothing to do with money, but in how I express myself fully physically in a moment and thus within this I also exclude people, as people that are fun to be with versus people that are not fun to be with, thus creating and supporting the status quo as what the system that I participate within and as is paved for me through my participation in it and also with the participation of all humanity equally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that when I have money I can do anything, because everything that is as/of an example in this world where people are in positions of doing lots of things that seem impossible, money is behind it, in some form or another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be more understanbable when I have money, because when I have money it appears as if I have time to actually listen to someone and can dedicate more time to them, because money buys me time to do so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when I have money, I have a better reason to care for others, because I have the money to back me up, I rely on the money in my pocket to prove the act, to use it as a proof to myself and others that I care through and via money, when in reality it is not true/real care, because the care is not my own movement, it is a movement based on having money, thus money is then the directive principle and not me, thus I did not move myself or direct myself to care for another as I would care for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I go out with someone and I invited them, I must be the one that pays for everything because of the simple fact that I invited them, and also even when they invited me I also look for ways to pay at least most of the things, because I see my paying for most of the things as being a thankful gesture to the one that asked me out, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am playing out a pattern that I have seen within and as the examples I have gathered through/via the men that are/were in my family and because it feels good to do it, I belief that it must also be a "good thing," when in reality I am sabotaging my own survival putting myself into financial difficulties when it is totally unnecessary and abusive to myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty when someone else insist to pay for me, especially when I have money to pay for whatever it might be myself, because I have created myself to not feel good about others paying for things for me, I experience it and project this experience as if I am profiting from the other person, which through my examples within my family is something that has been labled as something "bad," and dishonest, thus within myself I experience a friction as I feel like I am going against my will, going against my morals.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project onto other people my own self-accepted beliefs/ideas/opinions about morality and ethics of treating me as if I don't have money myself to buy my own thing, thus that I belief that the person is seeing me as being less fortunate then themselves, thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy a treat to/for other people because I belief within myself that they are less fortunate then me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality within and as myself where I think/belief that I have to go somewhere where a fee is being charged, because I think/belief based on my upbringing that not giving any money is in reality abusing others and profiting from others.
Thanks.
To be continued............................................
Larry Manuela
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