Monday, 26 May 2014

Day 310, When looking for validation started in my life. Part 3

So now continuing with the next phase.

I am going to walk the Self-Commitments in this blog related to Part 1+ Part 2 blogs about this validation point.




                                                                   

                                                              Art done by: Kelly Posey.



Self-Commitment statements:


I see/realize and understand that with my decision to end my soccer game that I had a passion and dedication for/to, I within that, also ended everything else within me when I will be participating in them, because I have programmed myself to not be passionate and dedicated anymore after I have left the game of soccer that I truly loved.

Therefore, I commit myself to make the decision to stand within and as myself to find out in other areas where I can develop my passion and dedication and stand firm within and as it, just like I did when I was playing soccer, and not sabotage myself to give up on something when I did not even start with it, trying it out to see if I can be effective within it or not and through this make it  be/ become a passionate application that have my full dedication.

I see/realize and understand that I created within myself a defeated mechanism that will support my mind consciousness system in giving up on myself and make myself believe that I was defeated somehow.

Thus within this I commit myself to let go of this defeated mechanism everytime that comes up within me as me and make sure I take long breaths before I continue doing what I am doing or about to go do what I would be about to do and remind myself that it is just a fear of being defeated that I created myself in order to not do something and expand myself and see for myself if I can do it or not, and that it will be something I like to do or not.

I see/realize and understand that feeling proud about my uncle being a soccer-coach boosts my ego, just because through/via him, because he is my family I can also be in the spotlight, thus be known.

Thus within this, I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life in self-honesty to make sure I work out this point of proudness, because I see that it is a ego point and is self-dishonesty, thus I make sure that everytime I feel proud or I am going to go into that whole experience within myself I just stop myself in breath and focus on my breathing reminding myself that I already commited myself to not do this to myself and be dishonesty to myself and others as myself, and thus I stand that within my commitment to not allow myself to fall for my own self-created trap of using proudness to boost my ego.

I see/realize and understand that I think/belief that someone else's achievement is about their representation they're projecting and within this projected representation of themselves it can influence another around them to be proud of them and stand out of the croud.


Thus within this I commit myself to stop looking at the picture presentation of what a person is projecting and see/realize and understand that whatever the person is projecting and I am reacting to or are judging is in actuality what I desire within myself to also have or what I also judge as something I don't want, within a form of spiting the other as what they are seemingly projecting, when in reality it's my judgement I am looking at in another projected. Thus I make sure I write out these points when they come up within me and look for a practical application that is doable within my timeline. If there is nothing I can find to practically do I make sure to invent something practical to do so I stay grounded within and as myself.

I see/realize and understand that I  think and believe that I have to be a competitor against others in other for myself to express myself within what I want, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am creating a separation within and as myself and to/towards the other as myself where there is no sharing of anything, but only looking for ways to be better then the other.

Thus within this I commit myself to instead of seeing another as myself as a competitor, I instead change my approach in a moment and make sure that I am stable first in breath and then look for ways to be free in myself sharing myself and enjoy myself sharing myself with another.If there still comes up reactions within me when I am expressing myself I just take a little break to ground myself in my breathing and when I am sure I am stable I continue with me expressing me in whatever it is I am doing.

I see/realize and understand that I made of the soccer game a matter of do or die, because within this mindset I could deal with the difference in body mass, because I was smaller and thinner then the other players.

I commit myself to make sure I never in my life made of something that I like to do a matter of do or die, because it comprimises my passion for the game or whatever it is I am doing, and I also make sure to never let my judgemtent determine what must happen and what I must do to cope with the believe that because others being larger then me, I must be hard when I play, because they might take advantage of me. If in a game or whatever event or circumstance I happen to be in or on. If this point continues to appear within me, I make sure to bring it all to myself and write myself out, till I have no more reactions within me and from there move on the apply myself.

I see/realize and understand that I used the personality of "do or die," to aquire more energy and to play the game very wel, thus relying on a personality when in reality it is my body actually doing the actual work of playing the game.

Thus within this I commit myself to NOT have to create myself to rely on my personality that I have created within and as myself to have a mentality of do or die when playing the game of soccer. When I see that I am going into or I am already within this mentality I just take deep breaths to release myself from this reaction and pattern that I have created within me as me and if it persists I immediately, if I have the chance in that moment to put what is happening within me into writing so I can look at why the pattern is still persisting, and after that I can make the decision to make cool practical applications that I can actually live to commit myself to.

I see/realize and understand that I am stubborn and like to do what I want and if I am disturbed in what I am doing even though I aware within myself that I have done more then enough on it, I will get irritated to/towards the person that in my eyes will disturb me from doing whatever it is I am doing.

Thus within this I commit myself to through/via my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life to work out this point of stubbornness full out within what I can see in that moment deep within me in self-honesty and from there make commitments to myself that I am aware I can live them into practical application.

I see/realize and understand that I have blamed my father for me not making it in my soccer career, when it is all about myself not actually pushing myself to go through the challenges that came on my path where instead of standing firm within and as myself I gace in and acted out as a victim and then use someone to blame for me not standing within and as myself to push myself to continue with what I liked doing and actually perfect myself within what I am doing or were doing.

Thus, within this I commit myself to stop any point of blame that exists within and as myself and also to write out all the points of blame I have made to/towards my dad, blaming him for my failure and my giving up on te game I liked so much expressing myself within and as. If after all the self-foergiveness statements written out and I still go through some reactions of blame, I remind myself to stick to my breathing to ground myself
to not fall into the temptation to blame others as myself, because I am not only blaming them, but in reality I am blaming me, all blame is self-created.

I see/realize and understand that I haven't unconditionally forgave myself for what I have for what I have labled within and as myself as me failing at the game of soccer which I liked very much.

Thus within this I commit myself to unconditionally forgive all the points I have within myself that are in relation to how I look at that time of my soccer career and how I manifested a pattern within and as myself to give up on anything without ever really pushing myself to go all the way and see how far I can reach in expressing myself within a certain specific discipline and really enjoy myself even expressing myself.

I see/realize and understand that I have judged my father and found that what he told me about himself not liking being in crowded places as an excuse just to not have to come and watch me play soccer, but instead have all the time to spent fixing machines for other people.


Within this I commit myself to work out through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life, all the points I have attributed within myself where I judged my father for not attending to my soccer matches, and make sure that I am totally honest within and as myself to/towards my father and in so doing face myself within and as myself to stop all judgments not only to/towards my father but also to/towards anyone or anything else, and most certainly to/towards myself, because ALL judgments are self-judgments and my own creation, so as I created these within and as myself to be part of the whom I am, I can also uncreate myself of/from these and instead of that create myself to be a none-judgmental human being.

I see/realize and understand that I place the word: "lying" within my words of choices when I see within myself that the person I am judging is doing something that is similar to what I judge him/her of, and thus then he/she must be lying about the other similar thing that is within my self-interest.

Therefore, I commit myself to stop calling other people liars when  they do not adhere to my self-interest according to what I consider as important within what I am doing, not seeing/realizing and understanding that I do not consider another within my application of what I consider important for myself. And if this point is not released within and as myself I commit myself to release myself through my writing of self-forgiveness and writing of self-commitments to make sure I walk this point all the way till I free myself from such blame and judgment.


I see/realize and understand that use the emotions of anger mixed with rage within myself to perform better at what I am doing, and the reason I do it is to be directed by this particular personality that I have created within and as myself to direct me to not express myself  and make my body addictive to personality and what it generates within me as me as the mind as energy.

Therefore, I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life in self-honesty to stop this mixed anger and rage personality to make decisions on my behalf, pushing me to remain in the background not being able to direct myself within myself. Thus when I see I am going to go through this personality or I am already within it, to stop myself and remind myself to ground myself into and as my breath till nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy and from this perspective look for more practical applications to express myself within and as that does not give the personality any chance to direct me and continue directing myself till there is no more personality of anger mixed with rage to direct me in my decisions.

I see/realize and understand that I have judged and place all soccer players under the same roof, as if all of them are going through the same feelings and emotions I am going through within and as myself, when I have no idea if it is actually so, but I follow my belief i have created within myself about all soccer players.

Thus within this I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life done in self-honesty to stop myself within and as my breath everytime I am in this belief or I am about to take part within and as the belief, to actually remind myself to breathe and stay focus on my breathing till nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy and from this application make sure I do something that requires physical application in oder to ground myself and stay here within and as my breath and my human physical body.

I see/realize and understand that I have created a trust to/towards my personality I have created within and as myself to make decisions  on my for me to just follow instead of me taking my directive principle and make my real decision to without having to rely on any personality I myself have created within and as myself.

Therefore, I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life to not only not trust my personality, but also not to follow it and make sure that I remain within and as my breath to ground myself here within and as my human physical body. If this personality persists I make sure to continue digging within and as myself through my writing of self-frogiveness till I am released from it and make room within and as myself to come up with a practical application that will work at best for myself within and a specific moment so I do not allow myself to trust anything else but myself and my human physical body.

I see/realize and understand that because I could sense certain specific information about other players, especially when there is a body contact in a moment and because of this I saw myself as being special, having special capacity or ability that others do not possess.

Therefore, I commit myself to stop the thinking and believing that I am special just because I belief I have certain/specific ability and capacity that is uniquely to myself and no-one else have them. Thus within this when I see myself going into this ability I make sure to not the feeling of specialness rise within me as me as the mind as energy, to stop myself through my breathing within and as my human physical body to make sure I remain here within and as the physical and trust myself within and as myself as the physical. And if this point keeps on coming up, I make sure to through my writing to work the point out till I am satisfied within and as myself as having anything moving within and as myself as mind as energy.


I see/realize and understand that I have created within myself a behavior where I give up on myself and sabotage myself to instead not be able to push myself to actually walk through a point that seems a challenge within a moment, and thus making sure I am always giving up on myself instead of pushing myself through the point.

Thus within this I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life done in self-honesty to write out my behavior of giving up on myself to release myself out of that which I have created within and as myself to avoid taking my self-responsibility to/towards myself and to/towards others as myself to. And thus I make sure I stick within focusing on my breathing and grounding myself to stay here within and as the physical, so I do not get lost within my behavior of giving up on myself and never trust myself to actually walk through a point self-honestly and be done with it. Thus whenever a point arrives within and as myself that brings up this behavior I make sure to be stable within and as myself and apply myself into a physical application to keep myself busy and not focus on the physical application I am busy doing.

I see/realize and understand that when I did not understand my father I left it to that without questioning myself any further and ask what was not clear within and as myself, what I did not understand or was clear to me, does not being specific in asking my father a question related to the WHY he is afraid of being in crowded places.

Thus within this I commit myself to when something is not clear within and as myself within and as my understanding I just simply make sure I ask the question in specificity and detail so I can have a better understanding about the person in fact and what they are saying and not based it on assumptions/believes, but on actual real understanding.

I see/realize and understand that I have created a pattern within and as myself that does not question something that is not clear and especially if it is coming from a point of what seems an authority in this world.

Thus within this, I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life, to make sure I put anything and everyone that is seemingly as a point of authority within this world and within my personal life to stand equal and one with them on paper and then in real physical application so I can approach them on an equal basis and thus not let myself be influenced by what I perceive as a authority within and as this world and within and as my life. Thus I make sure that I have questions that are reasonable but yet to the point and direct so all can be more clear within myself.

I see/realize and understand that I have created a belief around parents that parents because they are parents they know better, when in reality they don't really actually know better, they only have experiences and examples of what ought to be good or bad and follow mostly what is to be a good thing, a good behavior, thus anything that is good needs to be followd and looked for, and everything that is to be bad, must be avoided at all costs, and what would be BEST for all life practically no-one ever considers, because no-one actually ever lives what is BEST for all of life here in the physical.


Therefore, I commit myself to live for myself what is best for all life, little by little creating myself to live like this principle till it is who I am as I live here in the physical expressing myself, and not fall for and follow the brainwashing that went before me through my parents representing a false authority within this world where I believe that my parents know better, without question, that the world is the way it is because of myself and everyone else's accepted and allowed acceptances and allowances. Thus therefore I commit myself to make sure to redefine authority as that which is BEST for all life instead of authority being something or some people being above me or been seen more then me, or knowing more than me. Thus I make sure to in a moment if I am not clear within myself to take long breaths to ground myself till I am clear and then walk/talk within my self-stability in that moment as the authority as what is best for life as myself here for myself.


I see/realize and understand that I have created a defense mechanism within and as myself in order for me to not have to change myself in a moment and thus not having to change myself at all, especially when I experience myself within myself as being uncomfortable.

Thus within this, I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life done in self-honesty to make sure to release myself from this belief of ucomfortability and find out when it was I created this belief within and as myself and use it as a defense mechanism to protect my personality in order for me to not have to change. I make sure I focus on my breathing and do physical work that envolve me actually doing something that is physical in the moment to remain here within my breathing and my human physical body grounded and stable.

I see/realize and understand that I live according to what is within and as my mind as concepts and interpretations and not live as actual expressing myself as life here at all, thus not principled living but conceptual living and interpretive living.

Thus within this I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life done in self-honesty to release myself from concepts and interpretation of how to live and about life and actually get into actual living for real and not just live like crazy but live on/according to life-principles, which is to do/live that which is best for all life in the physical. I make sure I start within small things and grow from there and expand myself till my expression is including all of life here in the physical.

I see/realize and understand that I use the believe of things not working out for me as a way to excuse myself and make the choice to give up on myself and thus on life.

Thus within this I commit myself to instead of letting my decisions being made according to what I belief, I direct my decisions as myself and make sure that when I make a decision I make it based on what is best for all life and stick to it, till I manifest it and I remind myself to be patience with myself and that everything takes time and that I just move within and as my breath time, which is each breath at a time.

I see/realize and understand that I am using the quiting personality to not go through with a point and push myself to actually understand it, because by understanding it, I will understand part of myself that exist within the world outside myself as a projection of myself, therefore it is of highly importance that I prepare myself and learn and move myself within understanding myself and looking at how I project myself in the world as the collective of myself and then as an individual within the collective I can come up with solutions that are best for myself and for all.


Thus within this, I commit myself to change myself first through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life and make sure to live my self-change within and as the world at large imprinting within the greater system outside a voice that little by little will aspire others to also partcipate till this is done and to remind myself to never give up on myself even when things seem impossible and when challenges present themselves in my way, to never give up and just continue standing and pushing myself to not give up on msyelf as life and all as life.



Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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