So now continuing with the next word, which is going to be: " money."
So here is the definition of money as we know it from the Merriam- webster website:
1mon·eynoun, often attributive \ˈmə-nē\
: something (such as coins or bills) used as a way to pay for goods and services and to pay people for their work
: a person's wealth : the money that a person has
plural moneys or mon·ies
Full Definition of MONEY
a : wealth reckoned in terms of money
b : an amount of money
c plural : sums of money : funds
: a form or denomination of coin or paper money
a : the first, second, and third place winners (as in a horse or dog race) —usually used in the phrases in the money orout of the money
b : prize money <his horse took third money>
a : persons or interests possessing or controlling great wealth
b : a position of wealth <born into money>
So now within this I am going to walk the point of not only what money means to me, but also how I have created myself to be controlled by the situation I place myself into in relation to how I use money or not use money.
I have to bring a little story here into perspective. I was brought up into a family that would be considered middle class in this world system.
The example I have gotten from my parents in relation to money and also from other people close to me like my grandparents on my mother's side have shaped the way I view money and also how I use money and how I carry myself when I have money or don't have money.
So from my father I got the example of money being something to spent on the people you care about when you have it.
From my mother I got the example that I have chosen not to follow by the way, that money is important to pay the expenses and also the importance of saving money for the rainy days.
From my grandfather from my mother's side I got the example of again money being something to spent when you have it and make people around you happy doing this, and the people around you can be family members, or friends or sometimes people one doesn't even know.
From my uncle of my father's side I got the example that money can be used to give people gifts, when one have it, and be very easy with spending it without having the fear of being without it when one is spending it.
From my grandmother, from my mother's side, I got the example and once more, did not use this example that money is important to pay the expenses and to also safe an amount for the rainy days.
So as I look at all this I can see that I have chosen to follow the examples of the MEN within my family and all the men I have chosen to follow their examples are/were people that treated money as if they didn't care about it, like it is something to spent and make themselves happy spending it and also making other people happy by sharing their money with them in whatever form that sharing may come.
Now thus within my life, I have taken this example as valid and created within myself a repulsion against money, and from there always treating money when I do get it as not something that is important and due to this not paying attention to my survival, and I litterally specifically mean: "my survival," because there were many times where I would give money to people that I see are more in need of it then me, meanwhile my need I push aside and believe that it won't matter, because when the situation where I will be in trouble arrives I will deal with it then. But then again when I do get into the situation that I will be dealing with, the situation will have many many dimension I did not take into consideration and then will be stressed within myself as in how I am going to solve the particular problem that presents itself.
Thus when I do have money I am like the following:
* I am more generous to/with people
* I look for things to spent the money on that I see that will be a good thing
* I look for things to spent the money on that I see that will be a good thing
* I buy things and don't worry about the prices that much, I only see if in that moment I will be able to afford it or not, the future consequences I brush them of.
* I donate a lot of my money on lots of charity foundations, and it is a challenge for me to say NO.
* If I am treating someone and that someone is with some other people, I treat them all, not just the one I know.
* When I have money I treat myself mostly with buying foods that I like.
* When I have money I am more communicative and have lots to say.
* When I have money suddenly I have the interest to buy that thing I wanted for so long.
* When I have money I am happy and have lots of fun and soround myself with fun people to.
* When I have money I get the experience within myself that I can do anything and nothing is impossible, and I am not even rich......lol
* When I have money I am more understandable then usual.
* When I have money I believe I then have a better reason to care because I can show for it, meaning I can back it up with money.
* If I go out with someone and I have money, I believe that I must be the one that have to pay for everything, because I invited them, and even if they invited me, still I will look for ways to pay for most of the things, because I see it as a way to be thankful for inviting me to spent time with them.
* When I have money and someone else insist that they are going to pay for whatever we are buying in that moment I feel guilty that I let them pay when I have money in my pocket too.
* When I have money I don't like people treating as if I don't have money myself.
* When I have money I like going to places that will cost money and are not free, they don't have to be expensive, but they do have to cost money.
And now moving to the point when I do NOT have money, the following happens:
* When I don't have money I try as much as I can to stay inside the house and keep on avoiding people contacting me.
* When I don't have money I don't answer phone calls that easy, especially if it is someone I know, because I fear them inviting me to go somewhere.
* When I don't have money, I don't like being helped with money by someone that easy, if it is something that is system based, like a social service system, I don't worry about it, because I don't see it as a personal point, the system I experience it as outside my immediate personal life.
* When I don't have money I am sad most of the time.
* When I don't have money my life seem a challenge and is hard.
* When I don't have money I am stressed about not having money.
* When I don't have money I am not interested in doing anything, neither for myself or others as myself.
* When I don't have money I don't like being in circle of people that do have money in that moment, because the fear exists within me that the point may come up that I am going to have to pay for something, when I know I am without money.
* When I don't have money I question the existence of money more.
* When I don't have money I have lots of fantasies and imaginations of winning a great prize of money.
* When I don't have money suddenly I noticed that things are expensive.
* When I don't have money I experience the days as taking a very long time to pass by.
* When I don't have money I take less care of my body, like eating less, drinking less and sleeping more and sitting more and walking less and going out for a walk less.....so all physical applications I avoid.
* when I don't have money I seem to bump into people that also don't have money more then often and we can share our story of not having money with each other.
So these are the points I face when I have money and when I don't have money.
Self-forgiveness statements & Self-commitment statement:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see money as representing the real wealth and only see money as being the wealth itself, that which is needed to be wealthy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question money in itself when I heard of money for the first time in my life.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take the example of my mother and my grandmother and have chosen to take the examples of the men within my immediate family to use later in my personal life in relation to money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see less value in the example of my mother and my grandmother, in the way they were/are dealing with money and more value in the example of the men in my family, their way of dealing with money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go for the example the men in my family was showing me, because in my eyes it looked as a fun way to live.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself the power to be based on assumptions and believes about money, and due to this create a whole personality around money and how I am going to be dealing with money in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more credit on what men do with money than what women do with money, just because I believe that I am a man and man thus stick together in what they do as man especially in close circles of family.
Will be continued..............................
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