This is the last sentence from yesterday of, blog Day 207
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use a simple emotion as ''feeling sorry'' for the women, as in order to approach them as IF i am equal in standing in their emotions, when in reality i was not, i was just using this as a way to put myself in a mood to be much effective in manipulation in order to get them as far as openly having sex with me, that will be perceived almost as a way to support them and being a hero in sense.
So now i am continuing with the solutions where i left of:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not consider at all that which is BEST for all life ever in all that i was doing in my so-called; 'persuit of helping women in turmoil,' because this very point was a point of self-interest, that may appear benevolence to a woman.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use that which is seen as bad/negative/wrong, that i see in a woman to be a point of attraction to me, without ever seeing/realizing/understanding that all this when it comes to my own point of self-interest relies on both of the polarities, the opposites to come out victorious as personality within me.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to engage fully in or at all in investigating all that i was doing in the past in order to fulfill my own desires,existing of strange preferences that i have no clue whatsoever as to how i created them to be part of me in the first place.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to relate sexiness with that which is termed and seen as sadness or emotional in a woman.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to integrate and imprint the emotions i saw in woman as part of me in order for me to use that as trigger-points within me to get myself energized as in making myself belief that i am being a carring person, someone with compassion, when meanwhile all of it was all about getting my fix, my own energetic fix.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect emotional turmoil in women to attraction, purely for the sake of getting myself energetically fixed, without seeing/realizing/understand that in order for me to get my energy fixes i am transforming that which is of substance as my body into energy, and thus little by little harming myself and in so doing also harming others as myself as i am supporting the same process that they too are engaging themselves in as being emotional.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see woman being emotional and in tears as a very great opportunity to engage in trying to make her feel good about herself which will result in what will be good for me, by trying to manipulate her through positive remarks and positive suggestions as a support that will lead to me winning the woman over, as to suit my own self-interest and desire to feel within me/to energize myself.
Now i am moving to the REWARD part, which will be the commitments to life, where i have the power within me to change myself in my participation in life, practically/factually. Thus the reward is, now that i have seen what i have done/have identified through self-forgiveness how i was living, i can direct me to NOT make the same mistakes in the future, and thus be a living example for myself and others as myself.
I commit myself to make sure that everytime i am about to go into or i am into feeling sorry for a woman and see myself desiring to help her, to immediately STOP, take a very deep breath, bring myself back HERE and make sure i stay within/as my breath and do not loose myself within my mind.
I commit myself to also assist and support all women whom are in turmoil in their lives in the best possible way i can without having to feel sorry for them, and if this urge arises within me, i immediately just STOP myself within that moment and breathe till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the energy as the mind, so i can make clear common sense decision as how to assist and support them in the BEST possible way.
I commit myself to watch very carefully my own emotions and feelings for traces of deception and deceit and manipulation so i don't create consequential outflows of harm done not only to myself but also to others as myself, and if they are present to immediately STOP within the moment and just take many deep breaths as possible till i am clear and stable within myself so that i can act in the BEST interest of LIFE.
I commit myself to make sure to remove all possible weaknesses that may obstruct myself into not seeing clearly the common sense facts, through/via self-forgiveness done in self-honesty to myself so i can desolve and delete all patterns of manipulation that i have created to be part of the whom i am, and the whom i will become in this world.
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