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Friday, 8 March 2013

Day 218, Being Nice Part 2

Now i will continue where i left off, 2 days ago.

I will place here my last sentence for context:


I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into or i am about to go into a slightest feeling or anger and rage to immediately STOP myself in that moment directly and take a deep breath and continue doing so till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and if necessary to hold on to something that is physically here so i don't loose myself within my mind as these emotions.



                                                                     



That was my self-commitment in regards to the dimension of fear, now i will continue and will walk the dimension of Thought.

Thought-Dimension:


** picture of myself becoming very angry and fighting 
** picture of myself getting beaten
** picture of my mother sitting sad in a chair after having heard that i died fighting
** picture staying only indoors, afraid to go out because i might get in trouble and become rage
** picture of myself becoming this good guy/nice guy



Self-forgiveness statements as solutions:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture as thought in my mind of me becoming very angry and fighting, wherein i win the fight in order for my survival, without seeing/realizing/understanding that for this to happen i MUST HARM that which is real, that which is the physical existence of which my body is made of and exists as, and also the other body i will be harming when in physical fights, putting myself in a position of an abuser of LIFE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of myself within my mind where i am getting a beat down by another, giving me the possibilities that can be derived from what can happen also as in making sure that fear remain within me, and that i am fear. I realize that my mind is continuously feeding fear within me in order to have enough conflict/friction and in this then remain as fear within me. Thus i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let conflict/friction to exist within me as me as the mind as energy in order to create more and more energy within me so in this matter i remain in the grip of energy and never take my directive will to stand within and as this fear and drop it within myself completely, because it then cancled itself out.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture within my mind where i see my mother being all sad sitting in a chair when she hears that i have died due to a fight i got myself in.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand in the past how close i was to really getting myself into trouble and harming not just myself but others as myself, whether it would be my family or other peoples family just because i within myself i let fear and rage rule my decision as stand for life within and as myself.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed msyelf to see/realize/understand that by not facing myself as in self-honestly looking at myself i could never see the real me that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become as this anger/rage personality that have been sitting there in the blackwaters of my mind hiding waiting for the tune in order to rise again to have a final storm. By this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hide this anger/rage personality without seeing/realizing/understanding that by hiding it, it doesn't mean that it is gone, but it is hiding to not be found.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let anger/rage as personalities to take refuge within me, holding on to that which is against LIFE within me as a means to whenever the time comes to use them to do so, without having an inkling of an idea whatsoever what it will affect as an outcome to all of life if i were to set myself to ignite into anger/rage.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of myself playing the role of a good guy/nice guy for purposes of personality protection, without seeing/realizing/understanding that the personalities i was trying to protect and guard are the very personalities i don't want to act upon, thus keeping them alive by puting a fals face, making my life a reality showcase, a movie.

I forgive msyelf that i have accepted and allowed myself to let the anger/rage to live within me as my memories as my consciousness as my mind as a thief that is waiting for its moment to come out and steal the moment when i am off guard.


Self-commitment statements:

I commit myself to whenever i see myself having thoughts as pictures of anger/rage within me to just STOP  and take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE and make sure that in this process to touch something that is physically here, to remind myself that i am HERE and to not loose myself within my mind.


I commit myself to stop all fears within me little by little as they come up that can turn into anger/rage till i am free from my own energy creations within me, that i have accepted and allowed to be the whom i am in this world in this reality, never giving me the opportunity to be the whom i am as the human physical form that i truly am as the real BEING of planet EARTH.


I commit myself to let go of all the images that appear within my mind of what could have happened or what can happen and forgive myself to letting them exist within me, because by not writing them out i am keeping them alive within me as me as the mind as energy.


I commit myself to digg deep enough and push myself to find the missing pieces within myself that have lead to me creating myself as a personality that hides within me other personalities that i in reality don't want to see myself living or act upon in this world in this reality, because parts of me is aware that these are distructive to life, all of life, because i am super imposing harm to life as that which supports me as this human form and all of what is HERE as matter.


I commit myself to little by little STOP myself to not be a good guy/nice guy, but just be whom i am without having to put up a personality and instead just be what i am comfortable being, which is;  a quiet normal guy.

I commit myself to let work on the fear and to pay attention to this fear that is trying to protect these personalities so i can always be clear if i am in personality act or not and in so doing be able to direct myself into a living application within that moment to not let fear take over nor anger/rage till i am clear and stable within me, and till i one am without none.



Thanks.



Larry Manuela



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