Thursday, 9 January 2014

Day 277, Memories that triggers the need/want/desire for sex in the relasionship : Part 2




                                                                         
                                                                 


Now i starting with the first dimension to workout this point,which is the Fear-Dimension.

As i discovered yesterday, i now have some clarification as to; with what to work with now, and i will place the points that came out that i can start working with.


**  ''good traits'being used to either connect or fuel the trigger point in order to get a happy feeling.

**  when i ask myself question my mind use confusion to keep me from looking inside of it

**  that i like my personality to exist and stay intact thus i use conflict and friction in the form of inventing a delusional confusion to protect what i like.

**  when i do not get what i want as feedback in them and get emotional reaction for example, i retreat within myself as this personality, to defend myself in this way, so the personality does not have to be faced and worked out and thus remains.



Fear-Dimension:


**   Fear of not being able to experience a happy feeling
**   Fear for looking inside my own mind to not find out what i don't want to see
**   Fear of having to face myself
**   Fearing by thinking/believing that by loosing myself as a personality i will not exist anymore
**   Fear of undesired feedback


Self-Forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to experience a happy feeling as if the experience itself is more important than anything else in life, without me seeing/realizing and understanding that if i had the experience and it is not here anymore how can i trust it, if it is not constantly and consistanltly here within and as me, that it is not real because i have to seek for it, and then get frustrated and lost within my mind looking to once again go through experiencing happy feelings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that to accept happy feelings to be part of me, is at the same time to accept its opposite polarity to be part of me, because it is one coin with two sides, that cannot exist without each other and when i look deeper within myself it tells me that the opposite is the truth of me, because that is what i am actually going through and thus are looking to experience the other one, but the opposite is what is here and is making me look for the other as the carrot hanging on a string in front of me that i can't seem to reach.

I forigve myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking within my own mind to not find out what i don't want to see.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear  not looking within my own mind, because i am aware within myself that what i will encounter is something i have to change, and change is not comfortalble, thus i try to avoid having to look within my mind in order to not go through the change.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to face myself.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to face myself, because of the fear that exist within me as a ''what if'' question,which is in reality just a justification to sabotage myself to not do what i know i have to do in order to change myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have fear when i think/belief that i will loose myself as a personality and not exist anymore.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear not existing anymore.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to hear undesired feedback.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to hear desired feedback from others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to hear desired feedback, because i can then go through an positive energetic experience which is what i really want.



Self-Commitment statements:


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into fear of not being able to experience a happy feeling, I STOP----------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am fearing being able to not experience a happy feeling anymore, because of being aware already that when i am not experiencing the feeling it just does not exist within and as me and i then need to seek for it, looking for a way to generate within me.

Therefore i commit myself to when the desire comes up within me when i am trying to generate the feeling to be experienced again, i just make sure that i stick to focusing on my breathing and move myself to do something physical in that moment in combination with the breathing till this desire disappears and if it does not, i make sure that i use the tools as writing my self-forgivenesses and my commitments till i am not anymore desiring to experience happy feelings and just be here breathing.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into accepting happy feelings within me, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by accepting happy feelings is telling me that i am in reality sad within myself, and i then look for the opposite if this sadness which is  feeling happy, thus not accepting my true reality, that i am sad.

Therefore, i commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life, to investigate more deeply why  it is i am experiencing myself in a state of sadness and instead of working it out, i try to run from it and look for a happy feeling, but yet when the happy feeling is gone, i am back to square one, thus telling that the happy feeling does not take the sad feeling away.

When and as i see myself going into fearing looking into my own mind to not find out what i don't want to see, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and  nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i don't want to find out what i actualy already am aware of what i will encounter and then have to face myself within it, and act as if i don't want to see it, keeping myself to stay away of any oportunity to face and stop and change myself.

Thus, i commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life to do face myself and stop myself and change myself step by step till i am the living change.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into having an emotion as change not being comfortable, I STOP--------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that, because i experience changing myself as comfortable i avoid going into points that challenge me to actually having to change myself.

Therefore, i commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life to work out this emotion of uncomfortability step by step till it is not a hindering in my process to then actually get to the point of actually changing me for real.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into the ''what if'' question within mysef, I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i am using this ''what if'' question to sabotage myself to not have to go into investigation within and about myself to avoid having to change.

Therefore, i commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life to just leave this ''what if'' question out of the equation and just investigate whatever point i have to investigate in order to find out what i need correcting within and about myself in order to actually change.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into avoiding undesired feedback, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i use the fear of hearing undesired feedback in order to once again not having to go through the facing of myself and to then have to change myself.

Therefore, i commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life to instead of fearing the undesired feedback, to incorportate them within me as me looking through a mirror and use these feedback in a practical way to actually change myself.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into, desiring to hear desired feedbacks, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and nothing moves witin me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that desiring desired feedbacks is the other way to also stay within a certain personality in order to not have to face myself and change myself.

Therefore, i commit myself to workout through my writing of self-forgiveness this desired feedbacks, step by step till i not desiring them anymore and also not desire anything for that matter anymore, taking desire itself completely out of me, so i just live.



Self-Reward:

Within this thread i have seen/realized and understood that i am using certain specific fears that are opposite from each other in order for me to save myself having to work out my points where i will have to change myself when i  look/investigate what is going on within and as me and about me. Thus now being aware of this, i can gift myself the gift of recognizing the points and use these fears to actually change myself in a more constructive practical manner/way, through writing them out in the form of self-forgiveness statements and then making commitments to myself that i can live and then just apply myself within and as these commitments.




Thanks


Larry Manuela




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