Friday, 17 January 2014

Day 279, Memories that triggers the need/want/desire for sex in the relasionship : Part - 4

Moving to the next dimension which will be the Imagination-Dimension.



                                                           



Imagination-Dimension:


***  Imagining myself being whispered by her in my ears and the sound of her voice making me excited

***  Imagining myself kissing her on the lips ever so gently and passionate

***  Imaging gazing at her body, letting my eyes wonder her wonderful body



Self-Forgiveness & Self-Commitment statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being whispered by her in my ears and the sound of her voice making me excited.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into imagining myself being whispered by her in my ears and the sound of her voice makes me excited, I STOP--------- I breathe and focus on my breathing till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I Realize that I am letting myself get excited through the sound of her voice as a whispered in my imagination and thus through my imagination prepare myself for when that will occur in real live event, I can then react within the same matter I react within my own imagination.

Therefore, I commit myself to little by little defuse myself through my application of self-introspection and self-investigation, through Self-forgiveness to not abuse sound but to teach myself how I can make myself express this in a real physical expression that is best for me and for all life, till the sounds that now excite me, become my expression and not something I can react to within and as my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine a voice of a woman in my head in order to use this as a reason for me to get excited in my mind.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into imagining a voice of a woman in my head in order to use this as a means to get myself excited in my mind, I STOP-------- I take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy

I realize that I am through imagination of a woman's voice letting myself get excited, when in the real physical reality there is nothing happening as physical real touch to my body itself in order for me to get excited physically and not in my mind.

Therefore I commit myself to not allow myself to imagine myself getting excited through a woman's voice, and just stick to my breathing and make sure that when something like that comes up to do some physical task or put it in writing so I don't go into participation of the imagination, and just breathe and do the task simultaneously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to think/belief that the sound is what is important when wanting to get excited and if there is no sound or very little sound it affects my excitement and in so doing also affect my desire to get physical support through sex.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into thinking and believing that the sound is what is important when wanting to get excited, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that without the sounds made during sex, I do not get excited and sex then is not enjoyable any longer, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am trying to get excited through/via the mind and not a real physical excitement, and use my human physical body to do so.

Thus within this, I commit myself to practice with making what is now excitement through/via the mind for the mind into excitement with the body for the body and learn within this to give myself patience, because I am aware that this is a construct I created within and as myself as my mind consciousness system that took a long time. And also to make sure I am sexually more stable within and as my body through practising through masturbation first before I go into having sex with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made myself addicted to sex with lots of sounds in it, either it being moans and/or very heavy breathing or screams of excitement, so I can have my energetic experience within and as my mind through/via my human physical body.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into this addiction of getting excited because of the sounds during sex, as moans, heavy breathing and screams, I STOP--------take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I have created myself to be addicted to specifically sounds during sex with a woman, thus when the woman is making sounds, and if it's not so, the excitement within me as a mind personality becomes less and less and at the same time the interest in the woman, like I in that moment in my mind immediately make the decision to have to start looking for a woman that do make sex sounds during sex, because the present one does not do so, and then within this search the one that I will find makes the best sounds in my ears will be the one I will stay longer with or as long as it takes.

Thus, within this I commit myself to investigate more thoroughly what sex sounds really means to me and how it is I have created myself to be so addicted to it through my  mind instead of making it and transforming it to support my human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to sexual sounds, so much so that I have been focusing on that mostly, because it suits my Self-interest and within that I then help the woman I am with the get to an orgasm, and out of this I can then on my turn get my own orgasm, sometimes even without penetration, just because of the heavy excitement as feedback I get when she have orgasms with sounds.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into putting all my focus on the sexual sounds a woman makes to suit my self-interest so I can benefit from it too within and as my mind, I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I have lead myself into this addiction of only being in heavy need of having to hear sexual sounds in order to reach an orgams and be satisfied sexually, without the sexual sounds, sex then turns into something boring.  I have programmed myself to respond within and as my mind when it comes to sex specifically on the sounds I will hear.

Thus, within this I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness to step by step, step out of this addiction I have created myself to be and become as the whom I am in this world, till I express me with and as the sound of life here as the physical, because I do see/realize and understand that the sound itself is of and as the physical it is the sound that body makes, it is not the sound recordings that exist within and as my mind, that m,y mind have copied/recorded. And within this I am then step by step teaching myself to move with the sounds I hear coming from others and keep it physical right here in the moment I am with a woman having sex and she is making sexual sounds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself kissing her on her lips ever so gently and passionate, making a complete movie about the whole imagination within and as my mind, in order to feel good about myself, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am in fact in that very moment of imagining all of this not in actuality doing all these things to her, but yet just because I get a positive energetic experience out of it, I let myself continue coloring the imagination up, giving it more allure, so I get more positive energetic experiences upsweeps.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into imagining kissing her lips ever so gently to get positive energetic experience from it, I STOP------------- I breathe and ground myself right here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I use this imagination of kissing her on her lips ever so gently as a start off point, to get the imagination itself rolling and then within this I can color it up and give it more and more allure and the more I do that, I notice an energy increase within the experience of the positive energy I go through.


Thus within this, I commit myself to when this imagination is to come up again to just not give it the attention and immediately switch to focus on my breathing and how the I physically breathe to calm myself down and be here and within this also make sure that I put my two hands together and rub them against each other or something in that faction in order to remind myself that I am here within and as this physical reality as this physical form.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself use the imagination of letting my eyes gaze her body and how I wonder her wonderful body just to make sure I generate energy within me to start the engine where I will go more deeply into the imagination and start to include body parts within the gazing of her body in my mind and the more I do this, the more excited I get within and as my mind, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am in fact deluding myself to separate myself from my human physical body in that moment by not being one and equal with and as it and just continue with the participation within and as my mind.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into imagining having my eyes gazing her wonderful body within and as my mind, I STOP------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am again using my imagination to make myself excited within and as my mind to generate energy and the more energy I generate the more the imagination continues adding more and more to the imagination because that helps with the intensity of the energy experience, so the more sexual body parts I put into the imagination the more energy I get out of it all.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure deliberately not choose to participate in the imaginations when they pop up out of nowhere within and as my mind consciousness system and instead choose to pay attention and participate within and as my breathing one and equal till the imagination stops and then make sure I look for something physical to do in order to stick with being here within and as this physical reality and not loose myself within and as my mind reality. And if this continues I make sure to put more of it in writing till the point is resolved and is not a point anymore.



Self-Reward:


Within this thread I have seen/realized and understood about myself that I am using my imagination about women purely to generate more energy within and as myself, within and as my mind consciousness system, because I have let myself believe that without this energy, sex is not that excited anymore and I find it even boring, and within all this I only focus on the sounds during sex that a woman makes which give more impetus to have more and more sex with a woman and also decide to stay with her. So now that I am aware of this I can work on myself to change myself and invent creative ways to instead of using sexual sounds to generate energy, I use it to spread energy throughout my human phyiscal body, and this will take a step by step learning application, because I have made myself addicted to the sexual sounds a woman make so much so that I have to become my own clinical rehab centre and correct myself through writing of self-forgivenesses about sexual sounds as I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced and directed by them within the perception and interpretation of my mind consciousness system to generate energy within and as my human physical body to then afterwards be consumed by my mind consciousness system itself as enjoyment of the positive energetic experience I get from all of this.




Thanks.


Larry Manuela



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