Monday, 8 April 2013

Day 229, Not Wanting/Willing/DARING To Communicate. Part 4

So, here i am continuing with the walking of the dimensions in writing.


This is an exerpt from the previous day:







Self-Reward:



As i now have worked out my thoughts in regards to how i want/will/dare to communicate with another and i see how i fool myself and also sabotage myself into NOT being HERE when taking participation within them, it makes it easier to for the next time(s) similar points arrive to immediately see them for what they are and i can then STOP myself much faster and be more attentive to how i interact with another and in this case with her, thus i have open a door/an opportunity for myself to find a way to NOT get lost in thought off shootings as pictures in my mind that are not real, and that are only past memories of what the mind interpreted.



The next dimension i am going to walk HERE is the BackChat-Dimension.








Problem:


Backchat- Dimension:


*** I am certain that she is not going to like what i have to say.

*** She will also be annoyed/bothersome when she hears what I have to say.

*** This is so annoying/bothersome to speak about.

*** I better shut the hell up.






Solutions:




Self-forgiveness statements:




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: '' I am certain that she is NOT going to like what i have to say,'' to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: '' I am certain she is not going to like what i have to say,'' to exist within me also as my own self-created belief-system, that protect my the fear-character/personality of '' NOT exposing myself as this mind consciousness system, that i think/belief i am.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link the backchat: '' I am certain she is not going to like what i have to say,'' to a character/personality of NOT exposing myself as the mind consciousness system.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that i am using the backchat: I am certain that she is NOT going to like what i say,'' as a protective mechanism in order to NOT have to expose myself to myself or another as myself, because then i am forced to look at myself as what i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become and that i then have to STOP myself and correct myself in order to live the correction and STOP the lie as the mind consciousness system that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: '' she will also be annoyed/bothersome when she hears what i have to say,'' to exists within me as me as the mind as energy as my own interpretation/view as IF that is what will in FACT happen, when it is NOT happening in fact at all.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link the backchat: '' she will also be annoyed/bothersome when she hears what i have to say,'' to what i think/belief she might feel/experience within herself AS IF my thinking/believing is FACT so.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my own self-created belief on to her and then react upon it as IF it is her belief that she will have on what i will say to her, when in reality i did not even say anything to her at all, all is just busy happening in my mind and NOT in fact so HERE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief that projecting what i am thinking/believing is actually going to change something in reality just because i thought it to be so in my mind, and thus taking my mind-reality as REAL and the real REALITY as something that have to mold itself to what i think/belief is real.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take this belief that what my mind creates is what is real and NOT the physical Reality as it exists as REAL, because all i know myself as at the moment is only what i have made myself to accept and allow myself to be/become as this mind consciousness system, thus that the I as the mind consciousness system IS what i see/view/perceive/interpret myself to be as what is REALLY real, and the body is just a vessel for this mind consciousness system that i have created myself to be/become to exists within/as for awhile.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to treat/view/interpret/perceive my human physical body/form as Nothing of importance and of value, whereas i abuse it to such an extent that its own Death IS its only solution to make sure this Abuse does not exist forever in existence.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand to what extent i am abusing myself as an expression of life as the human physical body/form AS LIFE in order to exist within it AS an ILLussion.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make an illusion in my mind as my mind having more Value then LIFE, and give LIFE itself to supports me NO Value at all, as the world i live in proves day by day and as the body that i live in/as also decay and becomes old, day by day as i literally suck it dry of the energy that it has to produce for the ME as the Mind Consciousness System to survive and have the ILLusion as Being Real.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: '' this is so annoying/bothersome to speak about,'' to exists within me as me as the mind as energy.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have this backchat: '' this is so annoying/bothersome to speak about,'' to be part of how i see/perceive/view my reality trough my mind and that i trust my mind with what it will come up with as what it has as database of information of past events/occurences/circumstances that i participated within either directly or indirectly, and use These as facts, when they are all Opinions and BeLIEfs pertaining to my mind-interpretation.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: '' this is so annoying/bothersome to speak about,'' to appear within me, because IT as the backchat takes in that moment my self-responsibility to STAND HERE as within and as my breath and my human physical body one and equal as LIFE, so IT haven't had to NOT be the director of my LIFE within each moment as I have throughout my life given IT( my mind consciousness system) as myself permission to do so in every way and in every moment.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to GIVE my mind consciousness system power over my Directive WILL to make LIFE-based decisions, when in reality my mind consciousness system is not suited to do that, because it IS a system of polarity/opposites, a system of separation, and NOT as that which LIFE is As Oneness and Equality.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: '' I better shut the hell up,'' to exists within me as me as the mind as energy.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use this backchat: '' I better shut the hell up,'' as a means to protect myself to not expose myself as the LIE that i am, but yet not aware of as the whom i am in a moment and every moment of breath, so i can STOP myself to create myself as such.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a fear of exposure exist within me as me as the mind as energy. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link exposure to fear, thus that exposure is something to be feared when in reality exposure is just the who/what/how/why/where/when I am/


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to choose ''being silent'' as a means to avoid any conflict/friction that might arise, so i won't have to be exposed as my mind consciousness system.




Self-commitment statements:


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into having any backchat within myself as myself, I STOP-----------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, focus on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into trying to protect myself as the mind consciousness system that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become, I STOP, take a deep breath and earth myself, bringing myself back HERE, and focus on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and then from this clarity and stability i move as one as equal as my human physical body/form and my breath.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into using a backchat to expose a character/personality in any moment, I STOP take a deep breath and earth myself back HERE, making sure that i focus on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into NOT wanting to expose myself as a mind consciousness system, I STOP-------------take a deep breath, bring myself back HERE, earth myself and focus on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into being annoyed/bothersome to immediately STOP,-----------take a deep breath and make sure i focus on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and then within this clarity and stability i can then move and communicate as my human physical body/form one and equal with and as my breath.



I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into projecting my own mind interpretation about myself on another as myself, I STOP--------------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, and continue focusing on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into thinking/believing what another might think/belief about myself, I STOP--------------------take a deep breath and focus on my breathing and make sure within this process of bring myself back HERE in the moment, to hold my hands to remind myself that i am HERE and not up there within my mind having thoughts/beliefs/opinions.



I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into giving my mind More Value then LIFE itself, I immediately STOP,-----------take a deep breath and earth myself back HERE and make sure i continue focusing on my breathing till i am totally clear and stable and i am sure that there is nothing moving as energy within me, and then i can proceed in moving and directing myself within/as my human physical body/form and communicate one and equal as it.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into using my mind consciousness system database of information as FACTS, I immediately STOP, --------------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, within and as my human physical body/form and keep on focusing on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into letting my mind consciousness system take over the power over my self-directive WILL, I STOP,------------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and there is not energetic movement within me, and then from this clarity and stability i then move/communicate with another.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself NOT paying attention to myself and NOT focused on my breathing wherein i loose myself within and as my mind consciousness system, I immediately STOP, take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, giving my total attention to myself as my human physical body/form and remain focus on my breathing so i don't loose myself within and as my breath.



I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into using fear to hide my own exposure with, I STOP,------------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and i can then look within myself as the whom i am in that moment and see if the whom i am is my human physical body breathing alone and not some energy movement within it, and from this clarity and stability within and as my human physical body/form i then act/communicate.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into avoiding friction/Conflict to stand still, STOP myself before i go into it and Take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy and then i can speak from a point of being HERE and not from a point of my mind interpretation where conflict/friction are derived.





Self-Reward:

I can see now that i am fearing exposing myself in order to not get rid of what i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become as a mind consciousness system, thus now that i can see myself within my writing i then will be more vigilant and attentive in other similar moments/circumstances when these arive/present themselves, in order to little by little move myself out of this pattern and also to STOP myself from being like this, till i move myself as myself as my directive WILL, within the principle of Oneness and Equality, that which is BEST for all LIFE.




Thanks.



Larry Manuela






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