Wednesday, 3 April 2013

Day 224, Whom Am I..??

Within this post i am going to write about whom i was and whom i am in this moment.

My name is Larry, and my last name is Manuela.
I was born in 1972 on an island called: '' Bonaire.''



When i was 4 and half years old, my parents let me stay on the farm with my grandmother so she can have a companion while she was there. This choice my parents made to let me stay with my grandmother on the farm was for me the greatest gift they could have ever gifted me as i can see it now, because in that period from 4,5 to 6 years old i got to spent it on the land and being close to nature and seeing how nature works as how we dealt with nature there in that particular time and period. When i have a look back, this was the period in my life that i had the most fun, when it comes to living.

I was raised in a middle class family. My father was the one that was the only one that worked. In that time my mother even though she did study something, she studied to become a Stenographer, but she never worked as one, she have decided that it would be better to stay at home and raise the children, that was their decision.

My father have worked as a electrician in a Dutch radio broadcaster company on the island. When it comes to work i took my father's example, my father was very good with his hands, he could/can fix anything, not that i can fix anything like him, but when it comes to having the ''physical feeling'' of how to work physically, i have got it from him. He started as a normal electrician in this company and by the time he was retired he worked himself up all the way to a technical service supervisor. Of course he was the only one i could have as an example when it came to work, because he was the only one working in our family of 5.

I have two siblings, two sisters. I am the second child my mother and father had.

When i started kindergarten everything was well, i enjoyed it a lot, it was fun.

Then i moved to elementary school, here is where i started experiencing discomfort and did not like school that much any longer. My head was more placed in wanting to have fun, play and not so much into pounding stuff in my head, i experienced it as being very boring, and lenghty. But i did have a teacher who was a female teacher whom i liked a lot, and i was so lucky that i had this same teacher for a very long time from the first grade all the way to the 4 th grade, she moved with us as we were proceeding, so she really got to know us. She saw that i had some difficulty with math at the time and she asked my mother if she could help me by letting me go to her home and she will give me extra attention so she can explain to me better, because she told me she can see that i can do it, but there is something that is holding me back and she wanted to know what that was. And of course it was the I enjoyed this teacher very much, she was my favorite teacher and in that time my favorite person too. I admired her, she became my rolemodel so to speak, someone i can look up to.

I had to do the 3rd and the 4th grade twice, and this also played a role in what i will become, because those whom stayed behind so to speak were being seen as not good enough or that they are stupid or whatever. So as one can see, 6 years of my life as a kid in school was spent with this teacher i liked a lot. It was in the elementary school too, that i had all of my fights with bullies, all these things shaped the whom i will become later on. 

When it comes to sport on this field i was also like my father even though i did not choose the same sports he liked. My love was for soccer. My father love was for ping-pong and basketball. But all physical sports i participated in, i could see that i had an advantage then others, i picked it up faster, the moves and so on. I didn't like nothing where i had to use my mind. I loved things where i can move and use my body, still do by the

Then i moved to lower general secondary education, is what they had in my time. Here to i flunked twice, but this time it was different then when i did in elementary school. This time it was about the material itself, thus i had questions about the materials we were being given in school and i was not being answered, or the answers were not satisfactory for me, thus i started to take it all as not important, because to me at the time, learning meant i had questions and in school we are going to explore the questions, which to me at the time as i understood within myself is what learning was suppose to be, i just couldn't just accept what was being taught, just because it was written in a book and because the teachers say so. And i was very stubborn too. By this time and as a kid i was already questioning things in life, and this pattern continued throughout my life. But eventually i finished this lower general secondary school and i got to choose what i wanted to become. This was the most difficult thing ever for me to do, because in reality even though i did not tell anyone, i really didn't have any ideas whatsoever what i really wanted to do. It was like there was something i needed to understand first in life, before i can make such a decision, but of course i didn't even know what it was i needed to understand before i choose what i wanted to study and then become as worker in the future. There was something missing, and i couldn't get it. Now i can write about it like this, but in that time, i could not even place it like this. I just knew one thing: '' i am missing something.''

Now i had an uncle whom was sea-man, he was traveling all over the globe and when he was coming to the island he always came with these wonderful stories of what he saw in his life during his travelings around the world, my uncle was a very clever man, he knew a lot of things. He worked his way up on board of sea vessels and he became a chefcook. 

So because of his stories i then decided that i will also want to see those things he was talking about, so i deciced that i wanted to become a captian of a sea vessel, so that was my choice, but this was pure on a sense of adventure. But to study this i had to move to this country i now live in, which is The Netherlands. The Netherlands is part of a Kingdom still and is together with 6 other islands part of this Kingdom. That is why there exists no Dutch Passport as many always make this huge mistake. There is only a Kingdom Of The Netherlands passport.

So i came here with the intention to study to become this captian of sea vessels, just because i wanted to explore the world and see how people were living all over the world as my uncle was telling me/us when he occassionally visited the island.

So anyway i never became this captian and i never went to sea. I instead study and did a course on how to built ships and i did finish it, but i did not work long doing this either, and i just kept on learning lots and lots different things, all on having to do with technical stuff, but as i look back, never in my life did i have a real steady job, it was like a pattern in my life, still to this day, i am working now, but it is NOT a steady job, i am just working long in the same place, that is

But all these things together made me question life more and more, or what is happening in life, because as they say; 'it is when things are not working out in your life, that you start to question things for real.' But i was like this already all of my life, questioning everything, it just became more serious.

I will continue this tomorrow......


Larry Manuela

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