Thursday, 25 April 2013

Day 234, Contemplating for Contemplation Sake or Not?

Now i am starting a new serie on my contemplation Character, as i would call it.

It happens a few days ago that i was at the house of a very close friend of mine, and she told me to just ''do what i normally would do when i am at my own house.''

Now this sentence may be to her, just a simple thing to do, depending of course how oneself live.
The problem with me is that i am the kind of guy that will look within myself as to all the dimensions of what can possibly happen if i were to maybe use something that i am not suppose to use or maybe use it in the wrong way or for the wrong purpose. But by doing this i go into my mind consciousness system and then i end up with lots of questions, that i don't really want to bother another with. So what i will do is just watch the person how they move within the space of their own home/environment and how they handle their own stuff and for what purposes they use their stuff, so that when is my turn to use their stuff i don't use it for the wrong purposes, because in my mind i have plenty of examples where i myself got into misunderstandings about the uses of certain stuff of others and also seeing others agruing about stuff with each other, so i took all of that in one go and then i look/watch the other, in this case my very close friend as how she moves and handle her stuff in her own house.

Now what i did not notice of course was that i was in my mind consciousness system trying to control the situation, because in my own life this have become my own way of surviving, i just watch everything before i really do it myself when it comes to something i have to do physically, and if i am in a strange environment even more, because i want to do it as correct as i possibly can by the very first time i engage into the physical act.

Only after she asked me if i was comfortable and i told her that i was comfortable, from my perspective in the sense that i was comfortable sitting and watching her move to see how she handle her stuff in her own home, so that when it is my turn to use her stuff, i already have an example of how to use her stuff, then i don't need to ask questions. She asked me twice, because she saw something else, that my attention was directed to her alone and NOT myself, and that that implies separation to Self. In the beginning i couldn't see how i was being not with/as Self because from my perspective i am looking at all possible dimensions of what consequences can derive from doing one thing or the other and i did not tell her the whole truth about how i was really being in that moment and that is, that i was comfortable sitting and watching but when it comes to what she asked me in the beginning, thus: '' do as you would normally do in the space of your own home,'' that was something else, because this is a point that have to do with a lot of stuff. It have to do with how i am too, or worse, what i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become. This doesn't necessarily mean something bad/negative/wrong.!

Now lets have a look in relation to this point what i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become.

I was brought up, ( this is NOT a blame, just exposing whom i am and how that happened) in a culture and my whole family close and extended are people that have certain rules when visiting other people's houses, we don't just walk in and start to do what we normally do within the space of our own home, because one does NOT know how someone else live in their own space, even when they tell you to do so. In the culture where i come from it is disrespectful to just walk in someone elses house and start to use their stuff and open cabinets or whatever to look where they got their stuff and so on. This behaviour is engrained within me as being disrespectful to other people's house and to how they live in their house and to how they keep their stuff. lol

And besides what i was taught by my family and through the culture i was born into, i myself as a kid and still to this day that i am a grownup person was/is someone whom observe eveything, thus my whole environment, it's like my own little comfortable thing i like to do a lot, just watching everything and not just watching also listening to the sounds of what is going on. I am NOT a social person, was always comfortable being by myself alone, and this does NOT mean that i cannot take it being in crowded places or being in company of lots of people, because either way i am still just observing everything still. For example there are very little noises, or close to none that will bother me and i won't even call them noises, i just take it as it is, they don't bother me. There are people for example that cannot take any little sound, they HAVE to live where it's totally quiet, they can't live in a busy city for example, when to me i am just moving into a different environment and i take the environment as it is with all it's noises and so on. In a sense it is my own way to quiet my mind, but quieting my mind does NOT mean I am being HERE, being HERE is a totally different thing.

So in my next blog i will start with the walking of the dimensions in regards to this whole story.


Larry Manuela

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