Now within this blog i am going to write self-forgiveness and self-commitments to what i wrote on day 199.
Here is the link:http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2013/01/day-199-wishing-is-not-physically-moving.html
As i was in a conversation with Ingrid 2 days ago, she suggested to me to bring all of this to Self, which is cool of course so the readers as you can grasp what we are doing at desteni, and how we are walking our processes of birthing ourselves into/as the physical as LIFE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wish many times lots of things that are not real, just because wish is something i believed was a way of us humans being human, and even though what i wish may not ever manifest still it is a great feeling to wish, especially wishing things that are pleasant and good as being positive energized in nature of the mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wish to leave this earth many times because deep within me there is this fear of existing here in this physical world, that is hard and dangerous from a survival perspective, especially dealing with humans as myself.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that to wish is in actuality to deny myself as LIFE, as i exist as the manifested form as the human body as the substance of LIFE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wish many times, because of cowarding and wanting to escape this brutal existence, without seeing/realizing/understanding that i am the one together with the rest of humanity creating the very experiences i am trying to escape from through wishing and imaginations.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that me wishing or imagining anything always is me choosing to defend and support my own self-interest above that of everyone and everything else. I realize that in my wishful thinking and my imagination I am the one that is the star always, the one that wins, or the one that comes out as the hero, saving the day.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by wishing, i was in fact not moving at all in the physical, as my human physical body in the moment i am busy wishing or imagining stuff that i would like to do, or would like to be happening to me, or where i would like to be.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that wishing depending on the severity of the experience one is busy going through either it being positive or negative will determine what kind of wishes one will have, thus in my case my wishes were almost all the times wishes that were positive in nature, because i wanted to escape the reality that is here that is negative according to me at the time.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself go through the experience of wishing myself away in my mind trying to escape this reality in a alternate reality, that looks beautiful and nice and is totally save, no problems of any kind exists, and no suffering.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to many times wish that humanity will just end so peace can for real have its place on earth.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wish that my father and my mother could live much more longer so i can enjoy them being here, without seeing/realizing/understanding that all this is self-interest, because ME wanting/desiring them staying here as long as possible is good for me, but obviously not good for them as the older one gets the harder it is to thrive in this world, and that harder the system we created will be against us, because we are then like used batteries, that need to be thrown away.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by wishing and imagining i was in fact NOT here as my human physical body and was giving my mind more permission to rule over me, with thoughts that are NOT according to this reality but are part of a reality i create myself in my mind using my past memories of what i have stored within myself through either television, or by stories or by books with pictures or by whatever was already within me as memory through DNA transfer from my parents.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to move as the physical body that i truly am and therefore use energetic movement as movement within my mind, that are not in reality in sequence with the reality my body is in, and is consisting of and as.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to through wishing and imagination to disregard my body completely and regard the whatever personality that will suit the moment of wishful-thinking and imagination to have much more value then my human physical body itself that is HERE and REAL.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by WISHING, i am in fact saying: ''NO'' to LIFE, and ''YES'' to my mind, i am in fact abusing LIFE, i am in fact trying to devaluing LIFE, i am in fact trying to control LIFE, i am in fact making sure that LIFE continues to suffer through its forms and manifestations, i am in fact saying that i will NOT take my self-responsibility to what is HERE, and make sure LIFE is honoured and revered and is always protected above everything else that i value.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wish many times that i could some day win a lottery and become rich so i can live a comfortable life, without seeing/realizing/understanding that in the moment something like that will happen and i choose to NOT give the money i will win to LIFE, meaning giving the energy as money to LIFE by supporting LIFE with it, i am than being not only greedy, but i am in fact making sure that all the atrocities and hardships stemming from survival continues and is than totally engulfed into self-interest as to my own well being and comfortable living.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wish many times that all wars could END and peace will rein, without seeing/realizing/understanding that for wars to END the craving to hate, the craving to control, the craving to be greedy, the craving to have power over others MUST seize to exist, and lastly the fear of each other must STOP, before WAR can END.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself many times in the past to wish i could be in a relationship with someone that truly would understand me and i understanding her completely so we can live peacefully together till our last days, without seeing/realizing/understanding that these wishes are the exact reason why i will never find someone like this if i would continue having these wishes, for they are not real, because for any relationship or agreement to take place, physical interaction must take place, a physical living as one as equals must be at the vanguard in every breath in order for the relationship/agreement to work and the two can assist and support each other in the BEST possible way to express themselves individually and together as perfection as the human physical body, and in this grow and expand together in expressing as LIFE, beings of earth as the human physical form that we truly are.
I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into or about to go into wishing myself away in my mind to just STOP, take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me, as the mind as energy, and from this being HERE, i can then move for real as the words i will express and/or as the movement of my body as me as the work i will be doing.
I commit myself to make sure i stop myself in breath everytime i am about to go into or i am into wishful thinking and imagination, so i don't get distracted and make sure i continue being here as my breath and my human physical body through their assistance and support of just being here, so i as the beingness can with each passing day become more and more one and equal with and as them, where separation will be NO more.
I commit myself to make sure i pay attention to the physical world and the physical reality i am in as myself as the human physical body that is HERE and all others BODIES that are here and not loose myself into wishful thinking and imagination that are not assisting and supporting LIFE as what is BEST for all HERE.
I commit myself to remind myself that to wish is to NOT LIVE, and by reminding myself i can be more attentive and ready whenever there is a thought coming up or feeling or emotion that will ignite the wishful thinking or imagination to kick in and take control, and within this also investigate my wishes and imaginations to see in the moment what triggered me to have them, so i can resolve whatever the issue that is at hand is that made me make the decision to go into wishful thinking and imaginings.
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