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Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Day 196, The After Affect Of Prison Life.

Now, because i did not mention how my parents and sisters were affected by finding out that i was doing ''bad'' things, i will write about this a little.

Here is the link of what i wrote a few days ago: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-189-my-life-as-prisoner.html



So, when i was in jail i was struggling with the question: '' am i going to tell my parents that i am in jail, or not..??''


So what i did was, i wrote them a letter after a few months of being in jail and tell them that i was in jail and that i got one and half year to sit, and maybe i won't sit all of it and will get out earlier.


Now of course i did not know how they really experienced themselves when they got my letter. So i will tell you the story as my older sister told me what happened when they received the letter.



                                                                 


My sister told me that it was my father that took the letter out of the mailbox. The moment he got the letter out and looked at it, he saw the adress of where i was, and he found it strange, because of his knowledge i did not move, he could not remember me telling them that i was going to move to another state. So he felt strange inside himself that something not pleasant was written in the letter.

At first he did not open it at all for a little while avoiding having to read what was wrong. Eventually after a few hours he decided to read it anyways. My sister told me that he felt very sad and disappointed after he have red it. And then he was afraid of telling my mother, because my mother health is not that stable, she have sugar disease and heart problems and highblood pressure to. So after reading my letter he felt so down that he was quiet for months and was very sad and was sleeping a lot. Eventually he did tell my mother and the same thing happen she was also deeply saddened and disappointed.

After a few weeks i received my mothers letter, and the only thing that she really wanted to know was: '' why..?''   They could not understand why i did it. I told them half of the truth of course as to why i did it, and this half was that i was in financial dire and i needed the money fast and that was the only way i could get the money fast and a lot to. But the other reasons as because of me finding all of it adventurous and also just plain selfish i did not address of course.


My sisters were also very hard affected by hearing the message of what i did and where i was. All of them wanted to know: ''why.'' 

When i got out my little sister came to see me, my ex. arranged it with her, but she did not know that i was out. My ex. wanted to give her a surprise. So the moment she saw me, she just couldn't stop crying and she held me very tight in her arms and kept on crying. I myself, when i got out i was a little off, by this i mean.....the prison life had made me hard so to speak, i felt nothing, and was very much into myself. Because in prison everything was quiet, when i got out, i experienced everything going too fast and the noise was almost unbearable, i did not listen to music, did not watch t.v. because all these things were working on my nerves. I didn't go out much either, because i couldn't deal with the traffic and much people in large numbers. And it was in this state, that i started my journey into reading more seriously, started to question everything.



Will be doing self-forgiveness and commitment statements in the next blog.........




Thanks.



Larry Manuela




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