Now, i am going to write about something that a few people knew about me, that i did in the past, but i still have some points in regards to this that i need to delete within myself, so here it goes.
There was a time in my life that i was a drug-dealer/smuggler, not a big time drug-dealer/smuggler, just a small one in this world of ''crimes.'' I put crimes in quotes because when i was in it, i didn't feel like i was doing any crime, i was just surviving and making the money,to the things that normally i will not be able to do if i would just work.
I had a few friends that i met here in this country during my study years. There was a moment in my life, when i stopped studying deliberately, i was still needed to pay my study debts, and due to my debts i started to walk with these friends. These friends were already in this stuff when i met them, but little by little when i was looking at the whole thing, i started realizing that maybe i should try it to. I had a job and everything, but the money was not enough for my lifestyle at the time and also with debts, so i decided to join the group in doing this whole thing.
The thing about our group is that we were not street dealers, we just went and took the stuff and bring it here and deliver it and get our money and that is about it.
So it all started as a way to pay my debts more easily and also to have some extra money to have some fun. So and when i say fun, i am talking about going out every weekend, eating delicious food out all the time,and lots of sex of course in many ways, either paying the prostitutes or getting the woman that are going to disco's just to get man that have money so they can have their funs.
The way we were doing it was in different forms, but we took the ''safe'' one, the one that being captured at the time was a little bit difficult. We were taking it in our bodies by swallowing them into our stomach and from there they move into our intestines. And we were drinking special pills so we don't need to go to the toilet, so we can hold it all inside of us till we reach our destination and we get to pooping it out so to speak, then we use special drinks and pills that are against constipation and we eat heavy food so we can push it all down and eventually out.
Now people who don't know about this think/belief that these big pills of 5 - 10 grams are going to all be in your stomach, but they don't stay in your stomach they stay in your intestines. There were people whom died from these things when these pills broke in their bodies. By the way, this is the reason the police found out that people were doing these kind of things, drug smuggling.
So i start doing this in the year 1999 up to the year 2003. In these 4 years i have seen and have met people and get to know people on another level so to speak. I have seen and met people that really don't give a red ass about ending the lives of others for their survival, and people whom were poor and were doing this stuff because that is the only way they could come to an amount of money where they could take care of their families comfortably.
So i did a lot of partying and have had lots of money in my pocket doing this bullshit, and i felt like i was free to do anything.
Now when i was swallowing this thing, it was a point of no return, because when they are in, they are in, and the possibility still exists that they can break in your stomach or in your intestines. ooh yes, before i continue let me give the reason that those whom died, the stuff broke in their bodies and they died, it was because they wanted to save more money for themselves and did not want to pay the ones that were making these pills as what they do as their jobs. So they will make these pills themselves and make them not good or forget some wrappings and eventually the thing will break in their bodies. And the other reason they were dying is also that some guys were using these people as decoys, so when they get sick and everyone will pay attention to them getting sick and die, the ones with more stuff will walk by. This didn't happen that much, but it did.
Let me put here the dangers in doing this:
** one can get caught and go to jail.
** one can die if the stuff break in ones body.
** one can die by being used by those whom have other plans.
** one can die by other people knowing about what you are doing and literally kidnap you and get the shit out of you by cutting you open and leave you there to die.
** one can die after one have arrived at the destination, being hit as they call it.
** one can be killed and be robbed when one have received ones money.
** one can be robbed/being hit just because one is part of this world.
The kidnappings started when there were too much of the stuff(cocaine) on the streets and also when the police started to capture many of these individuals, so they started to target the others that they knew were in the game to. All this thing that people hear about, it is a world of secrets is not really true, it looks like that to the ones that are not IN it, but if one is in it, everyone or most people in the game knows it, because you have got to get the shit somewhere and where you get the shit others are getting it to and you get to see each other, and besides that you get to recognize these people their styles of dressing and everything even when they may not look like what they show you in movies...lol We looked like normal individuals, some do look like the ones you see in movies, but most of them don't.
So i lied to all of my family and some other friends i had that were not in the game of course and from that side, no-one knew what i was doing. I started by doing it in combination with work, but then i even stopped working and did that alone. Now there is a reason i decided that i didn't want to become a big dealer, because i saw the kind of life my friends that were big dealers had and i didn't want that kind of dangerous life, constantly watching your back and constantly having to drive far whenever they need some stuff or want to make some deals. So i decided i didn't want that kind of life, so i stayed with just the swallowing and didn't put my money together to start getting people to go for me instead of myself doing it for myself or others.
Now i move to the END of my career as a drug smuggler, so when the point came that my friends asked me why it is i didn't want to join them into starting on my own and stuff like that, and i tought about it and decided to do this last one smuggling for them and then from the money i will get i will then start on my own. We were even going to a clairvoyance person to see if we will be getting home o.k......loll
That day, when i got caught, i had this feeling within me that something was just not right, it didn't feel right, and this time was the first time i was going to take more then 1 Kg. with me, i was carrying 4 Kg. with me in my baggage, in the bottom of it, all fixed up. I passed the first stage, which was to leave the country where i was smuggling the stuff from into this country. When i got here, they pass my baggage into the scanner they had, and the moment the young officer saw something, but he didn't know for sure what it was, he called an older officer with more experience and he said: '' yes that is it, we got this one..!! '' These words were the words i will never forget, because i knew in that moment it was done, my time to go to jail have arrived. Now me being me, didn't go into fear and stuff like that, i took it very tranquil, i was always perpared for these things within myself, because i know they can happen, so immediately let it go. There were other guys they got on that day to, and when they were transporting us to take us to another allocation in order to hear our stories, they put all the other guys in arm cuffs, but they didn't do this to me. And when we were standing there and the other guys looked at me and they asked why are you not in cuffs, and i just looked at them with a very straight face, because i am not like you guys making a lot of comotion and all the bullshit when there is no way out anyways. They only put me in cuffs when i got into the car, because they told me it is their procedure, i just said o.k.
So when i got to the other allocation i told them my story and then they put me into a small jail and there i was looking at the ceiling and thinking to myself: '' this is it, now i am going to see what it means to be in jail.''
I saw guys fighting for many reasons there when we were having our breaks, they faught for things like, revenge in some form or another, or they faught for no reason just because they didn't like each other, or because of wanting to bully each other. Now here is the funny thing, that throughout my whole dealing career and having to deal with lots of REALLY crazy people, i mean really dangerous people, somehow they all respected me in a way, i never got this, i wanted to ask them, but i never got it. No matter how dangerous the people were with me they felt like they could talk to me, and maybe it is because of my knowledge of things in this world, because even at that time i was already busy with for example the book of the course in miracles and stuff like that....but were doing ''bad'' things on the side.....lolll Now understand i am a quiet guy, and quiet guys like me, in jail they will fuck with you, but with me they didn't. There were also many other reasons, i also was the one that they came to when they needed to understand their justice papers,because many of them did not understand those big words they use in Dutch and also there were others whom were from other countries, and due to me speaking and reading and writing 4 languages it came in handy in jail. So actually my time in jail was even fun, i got to study these people.
Then they transfer me to another allocation from the first one, and in this second one i stayed longer, in the first one it was just for the transition period of mostly 1 month and then one moves to another allocation that depends then where your final destination will be, to sit your whole sentence. I saw in this second allocation that people when they got into jail Cigarettes become like a life saver thing...lol people were fighting enjuring each other for these things, can one imagine that..?? lolll
My friends were making sure that i had money in jail to, so i had money for canteen. So this became another point that put me in the spot in jail. Because most of the others were receiving no support of their so-called friends from the outiside. Within my cell, two people could stay in it,and i got to share it with a guy that was a killer and belongs to gangs outside. Anyway, this guy had a passion for cooking, and i had all the cooking stuff, so we were baking cakes and much more stuff, and sharing it with others, people were coming to me to borrow cigarettes and also some food they don't get and we just exchange foods. So because of this, i was also safe from troubles because i was the guy they can get stuff they cannot afford themselves. All these things i saw as how easy it is to control people when they are in a situation they can't do anything about it.
They gave me in total 1 and half year of which i sat only 8 month and got out due to ''good behaviour.'' I was lucky that they gave only that much, because i should have got more then that for the amount of drugs i had on me, but because it was my first time and also because of conduct and my story i got only that much.
After three months they transfer me to my final destination where i will sit the rest of my sentence.
The transfer me to another kind of jail that they call: '' half open camp'' This is because you can go out when you are in this jail and visit your family in the weekends and MUST be back on Mondays, and also one can choose to work outside, but of course below minimum wage, just because one is being considered a criminal. They make a lot of money with ''criminals'' doing this in these kinds of jails, and hide it under the banner of ''teaching them some skills'' or '' a way to punish them, so they will learn from their mistakes.'' Here is where they were mixing all kinds of criminals together from killers, to rapers, to child molesters, to drug dealers, to con artists, and tax -evaders....etc etc....So here one got to see how people came in and started to tell others immediately when they are in, what they did outside, thus the reason they were in jail, trying to make others fear them. And after a few weeks they will hear other stories from other inmates whom did really much worse fucked up stuff outside, and they immediately change and become calm, because in that moment they will know that there are people in there, that are much more crazy then they belief themeselves to be. Here to, everything was the same, i was treated with respect for the same reasons as in the other allocation before and one other point to, because of cooking again, the cooking food together and having the grocery to do all this.
After 7 and a half month they put me into a project to go outside and do some courses to get a job outside. They were like trying to help those they saw were ''changed'' for them to start again. So when i got into this project i moved fast in it and i got my own job without their help and that was the moment they let me go.
The next blog i will be doing self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements regarding all this.....
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