Today was a busy day i went to Amstedam to get my kids to come and spent some days with me. I find my kids triggering lots of points in me, especially points like: ''patients and anger.''
Now my kids are very hyper and my apparment being small one can imagine what that means...lol
They keep on bullying and nagging each other and they just don't stop no matter what i say, only when i put a very very serieus face, when they see i my face that i have had enough and that i may be angry now they stop for a while it doesn't seem to last for more then 5 minutes....lol
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to loose my patients with my children.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to because of not having patients to react a little angry at them once in a while.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to show just a little anger within me with them, but inside of me there is much anger, because i can see how they are NOT stopping when i tell them to stop doing what they doing that really irritates me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated by their behaviour, because i can see the difference when they were with me and now that i am not there in their lives anymore they are turning into these kids that don't hear me, and just continue doing what they are doing no matter what till i really become angry. I realize that they have been brainwashed to listen only when someone gets angry at them, before that------------------- they don't listen.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel a little bit guilty because of me not being able to be in their lives all the time, so that they can get from me to how to live in this world in accordance with other people and everything else.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that i have to not let myself get carried away in my mind and just be here in breath and to not react.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel like i am not capable of handling the children.
I forigve myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in this moment to not have anything to say anymore, because my mind is blank, so i will write tomorrow when i get a bit of clean air later on outside.
I commit myself to push myself to make sure i don't loose myself within and as the programs within my mind now that my children are here with me.
I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into or about to go into loosing my patients with them to STOP, take a deep breath till i am clear and stable and nothing else moves within me as me as the mind as the energy.
I commit myself to make sure that whenever i see myself going into or about to go into emotions of anger to just stop and make sure that i breathe and keep on breathing till i am clear and stable and then from this talk.
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