Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Day 80, More Sex Again.

I had a chat today with Bernard and Sunette.

 

 

Within this chat some points regarding myself as what i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become as this character that i see i have created within myself and  where i would say: '' i am a sex addict''  has come up,when the reality is i am the one that decided that i am a sex addict, so i superimpose this garbage on my physical body and program my body to go my way, and then blame my own body as if it is my body that is making me addictive, when it is all me, the ONE that decide to be this character.


Self-forgiveness:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character in my mind where i superimpose on my own flesh to live out this personalized lies as thoughts where i create myself as a so-called: ''i am a sex addict''

 

I commit myself to make my decision to NOT be a sex addict and superimpose this on my body, because the moment i say ''i am a sex addict'' i have decided to give in into this character as in the mind that is the lie, that want to be personalized in the flesh to experience itself as if it is real as an experience, when all it is, is just a lie as my thoughts coming from memories that i have accepted and allowed to exist within myself.


I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to justify my own self-created character that is ''sexually addicted'' to have power over me as the flesh as the main character that is really real.


I commit myself to stand as me as the flesh here and not accept and allow any character within my mind to superimpose memories in the form of thoughts on me, and forgive myself all that i have accepted and allowed to be within and as me as illusions of grandeur.


I forgive myself that even now as i am writing here i have accepted and allowed myself to try and avoid writing this out through postponement by allowing myself to fall in sleep, telling myself that i am tired and that i need a little bit of sleep and then wake up and continue writing, or maybe even finish this whole blog tomorrow, within which i use 2 characters here, one that tries  and avoid, and one that tries to postpone and submit the body into going to sleep so they don't have to be dealt with as parts of the main character in the mind that is behind all the other characters, using all the others as decoy for me not to come to the realization and finding within myself this main character within my mind that behind all the other characters. Within this these 2 characters in this one sentence here create another character that is telling me to fall in sleep, of which i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create this 3rd character out of these 2 characters which are: ''avoidance'' and ''postponement.''


I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into the characters as ''trying to put myself to sleep''  ''avoiding facing myself through writing myself out''  and '' postponing my writing for another hour or day'' to STOP myself and take many deep breaths till all these characters are not here within me influencing me to submit my body to do their bidding so they can continue existing as me as the lie that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my own body in the form of sex every time i masturbated or wanted to have sex with a woman based on desires/wishes/wants/needs that are energetically charged, so that me as the characters within my mind can make the body that i am as life here produce more energy for them( all the ME's in my mind) to exist as the energy that they are that can only be extracted of/from my body that is of the substance of LIFE.


I commit myself to little by little to delete all these characters i have created within myself as my mind as memories that will rise within me to make sure i do not realize myself as life as my physical body which is the substance of life here manifest.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even though i knew that i was manipulating the woman into trying to make them horny by talking about sex so that when i will meet them they will be energetically charged and there will be very little to activate the memories within them in order for me as the character as the seducer to be energized and kept alive for yet another time,and i can use the justification as in saying that they were responsible for themselves to, when it was all me that seduced and manipulated them into do my bidding.


I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into the character that manipulates and seduces to STOP myself and take many deep breaths till they are no more within me and forgive myself for what will come up as defense mechanisms to protect the characters that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have blamed my own body as if it is my body that is addictive to my touch and my desires to sex, when all the time it is me as my thoughts that make my body react to what i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world seeking energy through SEX.


I commit myself to make sure that i apply myself in self-honesty and breathe through every reaction and thought that comes up within me that will lead me to commit the murders acts of killing little parts of my body as the life substance so the characters as me as what i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become can continue existing as energy in this world through and within my body.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT have stood in all self-honesty when i took my decision as to STOP myself in participating in my mind and generated more and more layers of lies as characters that will seem to be more powerful then i am in submitting me to touch myself and use words to woman to manipulate them to eventually when the time is right to have sex with them.

 

I commit myself to  to restore myself and bring myself back to here, to LIFE where i will delete one by one all the characters i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how within participation as the characters i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world i was abusing and disrespecting myself as life and the women i was talking to to manipulate them into probably/possibly/eventually to have sex with me.


I commit myself to STOP myself in abusing myself and others as myself and take my self-responsibility to STOP myself and be self-honest in my walking myself into the physical where i will be here as LIFE.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the character as myself as a deceiver to deceive myself and then others as myself to manipulate deliberately myself and others as myself so i can continue being this main character that i will find out whom it is within my mind that is behind all these decoy characters.


I commit myself to through my writing, self-forgiveness and my self-honesty and my commitments to LIFE to one by one delete all the decoy characters to come to meet myself as the main character in my mind that is behind all the characters therein, and to then delete this one to, so that nothing will remain but me as the real character that is myself HERE as my human physical body breathing the breath of LIFE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad when i touch my own dick and it will react to my touch, because i interpreted this as how i have managed to make my own body a slave to my own touch, that even a simple stroke will make it react and get hard as in implying it is ready to be masturbated, when it in reality it is all the thoughts that are accompanying me when i am stroking my dick that are making my body react this way.


I commit myself to every time i see myself going into attempting to touch myself in whatever way that will ignite thoughts of sexuality to STOP myself immediately by taking lots of deep breaths till not one of these reactions as desires are in me anymore and do my self-forgiveness on whatever will come up within me as reaction and as thoughts if they happen to appear within my mind when i am busy breathing.


I commit myself to keep on debunking all the desires as sex i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world till there is not one more left so i can continue my journey from getting out of my mind and birth myself here in the physical as LIFE.



Thanks



Larry Manuela


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