Friday, 20 July 2012

Day 88, Random Thoughts And Memories On Time.

Within this post i will be doing self-forgiveness on memories and thoughts related to time.

 


 



So now i am having this memory of me always looking at the clock as a means to measure my lateness, and not how much time i still have. I always look at the clock and say within myself:'' holy fuck, is it already that late, and i haven't done shit yet.'' So i will be doing self-forgiveness on time.


Self-forgiveness:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see/look at time as translating the time as me being always late within myself, even though i am the kind of individual that is 99% of the time way on time, but yet i have this fear within me of being late, hence that is why i am always 30 to 40 minutes early sometimes even an hour early wherever i have to be, i always make sure that i have time to spare so for any reason something would happen, the possibility for me to still make it on time exists.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link time to a negative judgement within me, because in my life NOT being on time was seen as negative and within the system not being on time is punished and punishment is also negative. Thus within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge time as negative and link time together with negativity also with punishment.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself that right now as i am writing my self-forgiveness statements see that i also fear negativity and punishment for being negative, without ever seeing/realizing/understanding how i am just fearing my own fear because in myself there is fear and outside myself as in the world system is also fear, the world system itself is a system of fear,  it is a fearful thing.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to come as far as to let fear exists within me and then fear it. Hence within this----------because i am fear inside of myself i create fear outside of myself also and not only for myself but for all others as myself as life here. Thus everything i touch as anyone else touches is always a fearful thing, because all we ever were was just fearful beings, creating exactly that which we are. Thus i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create myself only as fear and nothing else.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear humanity as humanity is the manifestation of fear, and within that humanity will try to veil it with a creation out of this fear that will be experienced as it's opposite, which is LOVE. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word love to fear and hence the word fear to time, creating within my mind the perfect scenario as i live in this world that is my creation together with others that have exactly these three things in it, which are; '' fear, time and love.''  Within this i forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how fear is the basis for the other two, thus that the other two would have never existed if it wasn't for fear, thus meaning that me as fear is the creator of time as fear and of love as fear, because my starting point is and has always been just fear, because i created myself as fear, and from this all i will ever create will have it's foundation in and as fear, as the whom i am, as what i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how far deep in the rabbit hole i managed to put myself, creating myself as fear that i will create a whole system for me to only experience myself as fear in many many ways, and through many characters i play myself and other parts of fear will play out as themselves together with me, creating together a perfect scenario of a fearful world,where fear govern and control all aspect of my living and their living.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even fear sticking to my breath, because i have accepted and allowed myself to live so much in my mind that i fear loosing living in my mind, so every time i am in breath and i am not participating in my mind, i will create this fear within me, but that will come dressed up as in a positive way for me not to ignore it but embrace it and before i know it, i am a machine running thoughts.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear time, because time means to me that there is an END and an END is not what i would like, i would like continue living, thus within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear continuation of living and create through this the very END. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never saw how within me, fear is something that ENDS, and ENDING is something that is fearful.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to veil myself as fear in order to try and prevent myself as the END of myself as FEAR, because FEAR as what i have accepted and allowed to be/become can never be LIFE. Life is for the expression of LIFE itself, and expression of and as LIFE is NOT fear/fearful, it is LIVING.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never saw how i connected: '' fear/time/love'' to LIFE and hence within this abused LIFE, because for anything that is NOT LIFE to attempt to be real or at least be experienced as real, it have to depend on LIFE, so i abused LIFE for that which is NOT real, which are: '' fear/time/love.''

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how and when i am in my breath here that as here within and as my breath there is no time, there is no fear, there is no love, just me as breath here within and as my human physical body. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the greatest fear that i have ever invented within myself and that is the fear of: ''LIVING''


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how in me creating myself as fear--------- i veiled myself in a fear that is the opposite of the real fear i have, and the veiling fear is the fear of DEATH, because the fear of death is not so great as the fear of LIVING that is within me. Thus i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create the fear of death to cover my greatest fear, which is the fear of LIVING, because i know deep down within myself that i will find out even in death what living and LIFE is all about, but when i am HERE, i make sure as myself as fear to NOT find out now. So within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not give me the opportunity to find out now, the whom i am as LIFE HERE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to veil myself in an illusion knowing that veiling and illusion can never ever STOP LIFE expressing LIFE, because both rely on LIFE to exist, and their reliance as me as them within me, is one of abuse, one of a parasitic nature, one of sucking on LIFE, so when LIFE leave me, i as the illusion as the veiling and the illusion itself ENDS forever.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to measure time within my mind as memories, as memories that shoot of in the form of thoughts, that will preoccupy me into oblivion, removing me far far away from me finding out the whom i am as LIFE, for the whom i am as LIFE cannot be found in memories, because memories are creations out of me as fear. Thus i can only find out the whom i am for real in me being HERE one and equal as LIFE

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear now as i write my self-forgiveness statements, because i see/realize/understand that for me to realize myself as LIFE HERE, i must go through the memory of me as fear,as all that i have created myself to be/become as fear to release myself from it, thus seeing/realizing/understanding how i created myself as fear that are now as memories as the whom i am now in this world, in this reality. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create myself only as a fearful thing, because all i have done was creating myself as fear in many many ways, layers upon layers of fear as characters of fear in an horror theater that is also fearful.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to face myself as fear because of fear, within which i see now how crazy this is, to fear my own fear, which is all i have ever ever been until now: '' a fearful being, creating itself in a fearful existence/reality to be experienced as itself.''  Within this using and abusing LIFE to make the experience have an appearance of being experienced as real, but REAL it will never BE.


I commit myself to show through my writings, self-forgiveness and my commitments to life that fear is all we have ever been and that there is a way out in the form of self-forgiveness as a tool to release the memories and layers and self-honesty to identify what one has become as the lie that is NOT LIFE.


I commit myself that whenever i see myself going into fear, or thoughts that will ignite fear to STOP--------------- Breathe and make sure i am touching myself or something that is physically here so i don't loose myself within my mind.


I commit myself to STOP little by little my apparent fear of lateness connected to time, till time is only real as me as breath here as the real time that exists, which is breath-time.


I commit myself to STOP trying to veil myself from myself, for veiling is another illusion within an illusion as an illusion that does not serve LIFE at all, and hence bring myself here as breath within and as my human physical body one and equal.


I commit myself to show through my writings,self-forgiveness and my commitments to LIFE how far deep we have layered ourselves as fear as i walk little by little myself back into the physical, back into LIFE, out of my mind.


I commit myself to STOP myself in breath every time i see myself going into linking and connecting time to negativity and punishment,and forgive myself for doing so,hence walk myself little by little out of this layer of fear i have created myself into.



Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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