In this blog i will walk myself to nothingness for 7 years onward of self-forgiveness, self-correction and as so i take upon me all that i have accepted and allowed to be HERE as life as me as all.
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Day 96, Why Do We Cheat..??
I had an interesting realization this morning. I have noticed within myself that when for example i found out that my ex. slept with another guy, the anger to/towards her was not really about her sleeping with another guy per see,but more because of the fear that existed within me that she can experience this other guy being better then me in bed, within which i will be the loser.
I looked at this point within me, and i saw that this is the main reason we, at least i, got angry when i found out that my ex. was sleeping with someone else. So even in moments like this we can see how self-centered/selfish/competitive we really are. And when one does cheat oneself it's also about the same point wanting to be better then others that went before you with that particular person, so the competition to have a feeling of being better then others one will hide this within words like: '' i love you '' '' you are the best lover i ever had '' '' you know exactly how my body works and what buttons to push '' '' ooh my goodness i never came like that ever in my life before '' '' with you i can talk anything, you are very understandable.'' So both the male and the female are saying these to each other when they are cheating, to try and justify and validate their escapades.
The moment one cheats in reality it means that there is something within one's life that one have to take responsibility for and that one thing one is very very afraid of facing it, because one already know within oneself the consequences of facing such things, and the friction/conflict that will derive from it when one does so. But what is being missed is that one is being self-dishonest, thus one is deliberately choosing to run and try and hide from ones own truth that is inside where one know why one don't want to be in the relationship anymore, but fear saying it as it is, and finding out how the other look at it and how they would react, all of it base on assumptions. So what one will do is cheat, go behind the back of the person one is with, and look for the things that one apparently miss in the partner one is with to justify that the cheating is worthwhile, and that trying to ''be happy'' is the main reason one does all this bullshit. In reality one is just a scary/fearful individual who will run and not face his/her consequences that he or she can already see. The decision to NOT wanting to be in a relationship anymore with one particular individual is based on what one ''FEELS'' as energy within oneself, meaning: '' that the energy that was in abundance in the beginning has diminished to such an extent, that there is no more ''FEELINGS'' of ''being happy'' with this person anymore within oneself.
We never question the feelings we have, we just follow them, because we have been brainwashed by society as a whole to always look and try to find all those things that will ignite ''good feelings'' and avoid at all costs those things that will ignite ''bad feelings'' as in emotions. And within this we miss the obvious which is that all these feelings, be them good or bad are all the same thing, just FEELINGS..!! Thus a bad feeling or a good feeling have the same outcome in experience, and that is that one keeps on FEELING, and choose to feel, instead of LIVING..!!! One can clearly see within oneself that when one has a feeling to/towards someone or something that one does not have this same feeling for another someone or something, it is very very limited and restricted within oneself to only be experienced for certain individuals and things, that one see and interpret as being more acceptable to allow oneself to follow the feeling that will appear in oneself, for this particular person or thing.
And the person one will cheat with, within oneself there----- one will experience all the ''good feelings'' within oneself when one knows also within oneself that one is being self-dishonest with oneself for not have taken one's responsibility for oneself and others as oneself as in this case the partner one is in a relationship with. So we never question how it is we can ''feel good'' as any other ''feel good '' experiences when we KNOW we are not suppose to ''feel good'' about something that we know is unacceptable...?? Can you start to see this, yes you the reader..?? Can you honestly say to yourself that you trust your ''good feelings'' and the place they are coming from, which is your mind, when you can be doing something that within your terminology will be ''wrong'' and yet still experience a ''good feeling'' about it...?? I mean WTF....??
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be living in a world where such thing as cheating can exist and be seen as a normal case of circumstances, when i realize it is in fact an abomination and that it is in favor of energy as it's source. LIFE will never cheat on LIFE...!!!
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even see cheating as a choice/an option, as a way out of the consequences i was afraid to face that i know i must face in order to bring order within myself and others as myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being maybe/possibly less good in bed then others as me, for this will mean to me that i will be a loser.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear cheating, for i have given cheating the value of worth, of something that can be applied in times of difficulties in a relationship that doesn't work any longer. Hence without seeing/realizing/understanding that i am participating in creating more of cheating to exist in this world, where communication for real is diminished to practically nothing and prevention and problem solving, and not to mention responsibility for ones own decisions and actions are not be seen at all.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear of worth with cheating, and hence made sure that cheating will be/is a point in this world where one will so called: ''still be worth something to be loved,'' without seeing/realizing/understanding how i have given permission to energy to be the way LIFE is to be LIVED in this reality, without ever questioning: '' how can LIFE be LIFE if i am taking it as ENERGY...?? ''
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make sure that cheating is created as a back-door for those whom are afraid to face their own self-created consequences.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get angry at someone cheating on me, when doing this it is giving my power away to energy and give it existence, give it validation.
I commit myself to show that cheating is being used to avoid confrontation of ones own consequential outflows.
I commit myself to expose cheating for what it is and for what it implies for real in this world, and that it does NOT support LIFE and LIVING in any form whatsoever.
I commit myself to show that when one gets caught in cheating one will go through the consequences anyways that one was trying to run away from, and they may be even worse when that happens, because an accumulation of consequences have taken place when one was busy cheating.