Friday, 4 May 2012

Day 20, My Personality(ies) part 1

In this blog i am going to do self-forgiveness for the personality(ies) i have accepted an allowed myself to be/become in this world. Most of us we don't realize/see/understand that these personalities we use in the world system are all due to the fact that we believe/think that we need them in order to survive in this world and also we use them in order to avoid consequences, that we know are unacceptable. I must put my ''guard'' down so to speak, within this, put my personalities down and let them go, and face what i have accepted and allowed to be here, and where i had to mold/shape myself into  building personalities to avoid consequences, within this one sentence i have realized that we are not free as we might believe, when we are so called: '' being ourselves.''  This ''ourselves'' that we are being in this world is not one that is life, it is one that is self in separation, self as abuser, self as knowledge and information, self as taking only survival as value, and within this even more then itself, self as competitor; within this self will either win or lose, self as evil. I can go on putting a lot of validations and ways of survival that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become, but it is rather obvious that LIFE is not here on planet earth, life still have to be born from the physical we have NOT been living as life one and equal,we have been only abusing life in order to survive without realizing that we are LIFE, and what this sentence: ''we are life'' really implies. It implies living, and living as life we have never done as humans here on planet earth. And avoiding consequences does not mean that i have to deliberately look for consequences and walk through them, this is suicide of course. It is to walk in your breath in self-honesty as what you have realized as being what is best for all life within yourself within common sense, and you walk it no matter what and when the moment comes that you will be put to the test in your life, and you will know it, then you are going to see for yourself if you can stand the test of time, for what you have done self-forgiveness for and for what you have made your commitments to, to not do them anymore, but to stand for what is best for all life. Because you will have resistances, because the relationships in your life are not based on living, living is evil to them,survival is life, so anything resembling life, will be a point to attack, so you must stand your ground.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be a ''good guy'' because as a good guy i can survive better in the system of the world without much consequences, i don't get into much troubles with people, nor much discussions, or much resistances and i am always seen as a ''good guy''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be a guy that have built ''good manners'' throughout the years that i have been here on planet earth, because i could see that by being a guy with ''good manners'' i can avoid and hide myself for what i know i should not be supporting in life for i know they are abusive to life, but i rather hide in a personality as being a '' good mannered'' guy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be a ''quiet guy'' because by being a quiet guy i don't have to talk my way or defend myself that much or tell as it is,which will put me into discussions and making people not liking me, and i don't put myself into situations where i have to have resistances within myself and to/towards others, believing/thinking that this is a ''good thing'' to be, when in reality it is NOT what is best for all, because one is accepting and allowing abuses and atrocities to be done to life, just because one is fearful of consequences, because one knows that there are consequences that one does not want to go through or experience so one hide in this personality in order to not have to go through some hard time facing what one have accepted and allowed to be here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become a ''nice guy'' in the eyes of others and when they see in me that i am a '' nice guy'' it makes me feel special as if i am better then others, when in fact i am not, because i as them are still letting the world to suffer and be harmed  with all these ''nice guys'' walking around feeling special about themselves, when feeling special about themselves has nothing to do with being self-responsible and aware of one actions and make sure that who one is is manifested as in an action that will always bring about a living condition that is best for all, and within this NOT harm life nor abuse it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to carry my personality name Larry with pride, as if it is a prize that i have won, when this personality as Larry has done nothing in it's whole existence here on planet earth, in this world, in this reality that brought and lead to that which is best for all life. And all that is not in movement as to bring about that which is best for all life in every breath is in truth EVIL, the reverse  of LIVE(life). This one sentence here made me cry, because i realized that all my life that i have been here i never lived, and never stood as one as equal as life,and was and is just an abuser like everyone else, a participant in the serious game of abusing life, of harming life, just because we have forgotten that we ARE life, and are now trying to survive and see/take survival itself as if it is life, when life is to be lived, is living not surviving.!!


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be a ''kind person'' just because by being kind as is understood in this world means that one is a ''good person'' when one is not seeing/realizing/understanding that one CANNOT be a ''good person'' if the world you are living in is in peril and you are NOT doing anything to change yourself as a participant in it, so that you can be an example as to what it means to live what is best for all life, because by being a ''kind person'' in this world it means you are accepting and allowing all the atrocities that are here to continue being here, and justify it with being a ''kind person'' because with this ''being a kind person'' you can abdicate your responsibility and say: '' it's not me, i don't do that, i don't hurt life, when  all of it is right in your face..!! You can see your own self-dishonesty as the reality of earth and what life is going through is being projected to/towards you, so you can't deny it.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see that throughout my life even when i was questioning a lot of stuff that to me didn't made sense, i still wasn't asking the questions that mattered most, which are the ''who am i in all this'' I never had an intimate relationship with my own mind,  within which i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become in this world.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create these personalities in order to manipulate others as myself just in order to get something out of them which can be satisfactory or by just trying to avoid circumstances and situations where i have to confront what i have accepted and allowed to be here in life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be a person that does not complain or give much critical critics when it comes to seeing/realizing/understanding that what is going on if i let it be it is letting abuse to be here.






to be continued,where i will go more into everyday living as the personality i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.




I commit myself to stand for what i see/realize/understand within me as in common sense that is that which is best for all life, and walk it, and also make here the commitment to walk it slow and realize that it is a process and that i have to make commitments that i am capable to walk in this moment and make commitments that i cannot live as of right now, but as i walk and change myself and i expand and grow and learn, the more greater the responsibilities in my commitments will become,but i will be able to walk as them as me.


I commit myself to always be aware of the ''who i am'' in every breath so to make sure that when i move, i move as the physical breath of life here one and equal with my physical body and my breathing and not move one and equal with the energetics within me as in the forms as thoughts/emotions/feelings.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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