Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Day 36, Mixed Feelings/Emotions.

You know when you get to realize what is really going on, the first thing that you will go through is Anger..!! You will get angry at the whole of humanity, all religions, all gurus/spiritual master teachers, all Prophets, all holy men, all philosophers, all wise men, all scientists, all business people, all politicians, all voters, all esoteric teachers, all whatever.................................

You will get very angry especially at those you see within this world that have the capability/ability/means and also the position within this world to make a difference but yet they don't act and make a difference.

So at first the anger will get hold of you, and then blame will follow, you will blame everyone and everything including yourself. I was blaming myself for i have not realized throughout my life, how i could be participating in the very thing that i was taught to never be, which is EVIL..!!
I realized how evil i am, with all the other humans, there is not one that is not evil, they are all evil. I couldn't belief it at first, but after extensive self-honest investigations into my own inner workings, as my; 'thoughts/feelings/emotions' i kept coming to the same conclusion, that i and everyone else are all EVIL..!! And this is NOT an Opinion, it is an obvious common sense,only by using your common sense you will be able to see this simple realization..!!  Knowledge and belief will not do..!!!

Now if you are reading this and you are religious or spiritual, or you are neither but you consider yourself to be a ''good person,'' understand that all of these are part of the plot that makes us all evil. You might ask, but how so..?? well let me give you some examples and just maybe if you use common sense you can see/realize/understand for yourself. First thing to hold on to, in order for you to get this is: '' The Physical Reality'' as the expression of life itself..!!  Within this one must look at the interactions we have with each other and everything else when we know what is going on, what we do about it or don't do about it. The don't do part, is when you know something is abusive and harmful to others,because it will be seen as abusive and harmful to yourself also, but you ALLOW it anyways, especially if it is not happening to the people that you so-called: ''love.''   The reason i have placed love in quotes is because i can see that it is impossible for me to say i love someone or something when i am accepting and allowing a world where the opportunity for them to go through abuse or harm is sure a possibility, and now that things are getting worst, that opportunity is more then just a possibility, it is a certainty almost. I was not questioning, how can my love to/towards them be real, if i am accepting and allowing a system of money to exist where i and everyone are a slave within it, where i and everyone else have to lie just to survive, where i and everyone else have to compete just in order to win so i and everyone else can survive better then the other person,where there are wars going on, where people and animals are starving, where people don't have a decent home to live in, don't have water, don't have clean sanitation, don't have medical care etc etc........now all of these things are happening under my/our watch. There is no-one in this world that can say they don't know about this, and if there are those whom don't know, it is because they are not informed by others or they live in areas where they can't be informed, or because they are the ones going through it for real, what we hear about on this side of the globe, so  
THEY know for sure.! But these are the people whom don't have a voice in this world, they can't speak up or stand up because they are in a weaker position, they are starving and there is just nothing they can do. And with all the charity foundations that are on the planet, is more reason for me to be angry, because these exist for the pure reason for the ones whom are believing themselves to be ''good people'' to venture in, to participate in so they can feel good about themselves as if they are the ones who are caring, but in reality charity foundations exist only to keep the poor poor and the starving starving. Now maybe you will ask, but how so..?? Because you are not solving the problem, you are supporting it. It is like saying: ''o.k. poor and starving people, this is all i can do for you, and not all of you, just a few, i can only help you go through whatever it is you're going through, but to take my self-responsibility and do whatever it takes to make sure you and no-one else ever have to be poor or starve in a world of plenty....oohh no, this you will not do, you don't even see/realize/understand how there lives is also your responsibility. The reason is simple because you have not realized, and i mean really, really REALIZE THIS yet,that we have one thing in common, all of us, and that is LIFE itself. So allowing another life to suffer is allowing me as life also to suffer, even though it may not be so in my life right now, but it can happen, and if not with me, it can happen to my children or their children, just because i and the rest is allowing such atrocities to exist in our world, it has become part of our reality, the way we live with each other in this world..!!  This is our last chance to make this work, we are either going to stand together as one as equals as all as LIFE and solve this problem or we are going to destroy our own existence as humanity on planet earth...??? These are the real choices we have now..!!!  Make sure to be part of the solution, and not part of the problem where destruction will come upon you and the rest, because you cannot escape yourself as LIFE, it is who you are..!!!


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at humanity, not seeing/realizing/understanding that by doing this i am being angry at myself, because humanity is me as a whole, so whatever happen to any part of humanity will happen to me to, humanity is my greater body, i am the little body within the greater body called humanity, which is ME.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be very angry at myself when i found out within myself how i was busy contributing to the problems that are here in this world, together with all the others, just by participating in this world, no matter how i try to justify it, i am HERE.

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny my participation in this world, by trying to use the opposite polarity as ''good'' against the other opposite polarity which is ''bad,''  so by believing myself to be ''good'' that i  cannot be part of the ones i consider ''bad'' and that are doing ''bad things.'' within this i never realized how i was just playing in the polarity game of ''good'' versus ''bad/evil'' making sure that both exist in this world.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand by being or doing ''good'' was not changing anything to the problems that are existent within this world.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ''good'' within a world where both good and bad exist as believing myself to be good, will mean that the bad will not happen to me or my loved ones.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger when i found out that i as the personality in my mind called: ''Larry''  is busy participating as a separate illusion within my mind and in so doing participate as a separate being in the outside world as i live as separate as Larry within my own mind and all other personalities in this world are doing the same thing, hence we all create a world where separation is our reality.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how by just being here on planet earth makes me responsible for all that is happening here, either if i am an active participant or an passive participant, it doesn't matter because a PARTICIPANT i am..!!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that by being angry at myself and others as myself is going to change anything.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to engage in anger, because of my belief, that participating in the emotion as anger,i  can somehow have an influence on what the heck is going on in this world, as is what we accept and allow to be here.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to life by participating in the emotion as anger,thus making sure that i as life is creating the emotion as anger within me and the manifestation as anger without me where the real physical reality is abused and harmed.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel anger to/towards people who are willingly not wanting to change themselves and then change the world as themselves together with others as a group, without realizing that it will take time for them to realize themselves and their participation in this world how it is busy supporting what is WRONG in this world. I have to discipline myself to have more and more patience.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even connect the word ''patience'' with the emotion as anger,within this  accepting and allowing patience to be dependent within me on anger, meaning; ' i can only be patient if there is an emotion as anger within me.' Within this not seeing/realizing/understanding how i am defining patient to an reaction as in me as an emotion as anger.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see anger as a natural human behavior,because i cannot find within myself how and when exactly i created anger to exist within me as me, so i assume it must be me, must be my nature as a human being, when my body itself and my breathing is clearly showing me that they are never in and as anger, that anger in me only happens as an energy, anger itself is not a physical real manifestation as life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let anger be part of me and in so doing also part of my whole reality as the physical reality where the anger inside me and others as me is manifested in the way we will act as we are in this energetic emotion as anger.

Self corrective application:

When and as i see myself going into anger, i STOP ....and i take a very deep breath and ground myself here as the physical, reminding myself that i must let go of the anger that is existing within me and that is projected to/towards others as me, and within this make sure that i touch something that is physically here, so i do not delude myself into thinking.


I commit myself to walk my process of writing, self-forgiveness and self corrective application/commitments,to show to others as me how one can assist and support oneself using these tools in order for one to ground oneself and step by step, breath by breath equalize oneself to oneness and equality,that which is LIFE.

I commit myself to walk as an example as to show and explain to others as me how participating in anger only bring destruction in ones life and also in the lives of others and the reality we are in at large.

I commit myself to expose anger for what it is and also for what we accept and allow anger to do as ourselves within this world.


Larry Manuela



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