Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Day 24, My Hate For The System.

In this blog i am going to write a realization i have had, which involve me hating the system. As long as i can remember i never applaud the system, i always looked at it, in a sense of disgust, not really wanting to participate, but in those days, i didn't knew much, i just didn't like it, i hated it. I hated going to school, i hated having to learn anything that didn't seem right to learn or necessary, i hated having to deal with people who loved the system so much, i hated almost everything within the system, that i eventually became like someone who didn't care much for what happened in the system or what is looked at as valuable within the system, i was always semi-participating when people were seeing me enjoying myself, but that was just an image/presentation, but inside it all looked fake to me, everything. From people to things. That is why most of my life, i was a quiet type of person, because i was observing people and everything else and it just didn't make any sense. It didn't make sense as to why we should make our living so difficult and complex when i see in nature that it doesn't have to be like that, and that we glorify this complex stupidity so much so that we disregard the simplicity of nature, and i hated seeing this in the ways i and the rest of humans were living. This is also why i didn't like school, because they made everything that was suppose to be simple deliberately complex, and i saw no reason why it had to be like that. Let me give you an example of what i mean. We take the word ''turkey'' as example which is a bird many know and many eat during thanksgiving. Now the smart guys, the scientists, have decided to call this bird among themselves this: ''Meleagris gallopavo'' 

Now does this change the bird..?? does the bird turkey now becomes something else, another bird perhaps, or a special bird among all birds...??  That is what scientists do most of the time, they just invent new names that only they agree upon so they can look smart among the rest, because now they know another name for a turkey that if someone else did not study it or heard of it, they will be the only ones knowing this name, so they can feel all special and feel all intelligent because they know a name that no-one else know. And these are the kinds of bullshit i was always against when growing up as a kid, to me it was let the turkey be turkey and let us all call the bird turkey for what we all know what it is for crying out loud..!! But nooo, someone or a group had to make themselves feel special about themselves, they don't want the bird turkey to be just turkey, let us call it some other name, a special name using another language so we can all feel good about ourselves and look very smart among the group called humanity. When the bird in reality did not change because they gave it a scientific name. It is still the turkey that most of the human population know, and abuse and harm and kill for their stupid thanksgiving dinner.


Self-forgiveness:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate the system that men created.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate the system and in this also abdicating my responsibility to/towards the system in me not working towards a solution that is best for all.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hide within myself to not take responsibility for what i was observing within my life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate the system and the people loving the system, because to me the system was all bad.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how i also was within and as the system supporting it, even when it disgusted me, because in order for the system to be here, i and the rest must participate, it is our participation within/as the system that is what the system is.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not like scientists because i saw in them, just people whom were inventing new names for already existing names, and preferably names coined in dead languages, as to make sure that in order to know like they know, one have to go through the whole learning of the dead language to, and in this put themselves in a position where they are a few who know something that the rest doesn't know and within this they can feel special and superior,when in reality they are just separating themselves even more from the whole of the group called humanity, because now, they are the so called ''intelligent ones.''


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be disgusted by people who feel special or want to be special in some way or another, because to me special means more separation, and for one to be special someone else or a group will have to be not special.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand back then, that to be special in this world means i am supporting the abuse of life, because life is equally a gift to all it's expressions, so how can anyone or anything as an expression of life be special..??


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate my own realizations more profoundly/deeply when i was younger and decided to suppress my own realizations, because i felt like i was the only one looking at this and talking about it with those who are not seeing it, i will be looked at as someone who is strange or weird, or someone to avoid contact with, someone who is crazy in his head.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as a quiet person so i didn't have to express what i was feeling and what i was thinking for real.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate money, because i saw money as a creation within the world and which is a complex thing, that to me at the time seem unnecessary, and within this till this day, i had never had a craving for money or more money in the sense of wanting or wishing to ''make it in the system'' ''become rich'' '' have a very high income''.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ''hate'' to money and in this giving  money a negative connotation.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see everything that money can buy as not valuable and suppress within myself a certain disgust to it all.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be disgusted by/through the things and people that money can buy.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately during my life to not study things that will put me in a position to make more money, just because i hated money, so i will lay low so to speak and accept and allow myself to do crappy jobs as if i am not worthy.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a lot of money, because i might become like the ones i see with money, that don't give a damn about the rest that don't have money and treat them as slaves, or as less valuable/inferior.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not do my best in school just because i didn't want to be one of ''those'' that will become the ones with a lot of money, because of my disgust with money and what i saw money did and still does in this world in the hands of men with his greed and craving for power.


I commit myself to study all that i need to study to become a living example as how one can stop oneself form abusing oneself and others and make sure i am part of the solution to the world problems and solve for real the problems in this world.


I commit myself to embrace all of what i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world in order for me to see/realize/understand how i created the ''me'' in this world and in so doing change this me, into a me that cares for real for all life and always does what is best for all life.


I commit myself to walk my process of self-forgiveness, writing and self corrective application to get rid of the the me that i have become in this world that is not a me that is living practically for what is best for all.


I commit myself to release and resolve and get rid off, of all the hate that is within me as what i have been accumulating and compounding in my life to/towards all that is from this system, and become one who brings practical solutions in this world.






Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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