Saturday, 5 May 2012

Day 21, My Personality(ies) part 2

I am continuing with my personality but now in a more day to day basis.


Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be nice to people when i see that they made a mistake and that they are looking for someone to help them or be with them in the sharing of the shame for the mistake they have made, and within this i then automatically because of realizing/seeing/understanding this within myself and knowing that i/myself has been through such moments where i to, was ashamed for what i have done as being an mistake, but didn't have no-one to lean on so to speak.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not take my responsibility when i see someone else doing something that is physically dangerous for themselves and tell them to stop and support and assist them into understanding what they are doing, and that it can harm them, but instead i choose to let them do it anyways just because of fear of me going to be to hard on them if i tell them to stop.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be nice to people when they do something that is an embarrassment  to them, just because within that i recognize the moments that i/myself did something or said something that was embarrassing, so within this just because i know how it ''feels'' to be embarrassed i choose to be nice to them just so they go through the whole experience of being embarrassed with more ease.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for those who are in blame, for those who are caught doing something out of place, because i see ''being sorry'' as a morally justifiable thing to do and it is a ''good'' thing to feel, in another words: '' i am a good person, when i can feel sorry for someone else.''


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to tolerate some specific behaviors of people that are seen and accepted and allowed as to be ''normal'', just because by tolerating it i am being seen as someone who is understandable, when in truth i am accepting and allowing behaviors that are harmful to life, that are abusive to life. To give one major point as an example ''feeling love'' 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to change my own behavior when i see the opportunity for me to get something that i need or desire, i change my behavior, my personality to align with certain criteria just in order to get what i need or desire, which is in essence a total acknowledgement of me being totally selfish, disregarding the rest for my need, for my desire.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be nice to people, all people even with those i don't like just because i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by being nice alone to all people means i am a ''good'' person, when in reality i am just accepting and allowing all people to be and become the who they are in this world,where i can clearly see, it's not something that is supporting life, as equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be very nice to old people just because i have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed to believe that old people should be reverent because apparently they know more due to the amount of years they have lived that is more then what i am living, but within this all i am  totally ignoring the fact to question these people as to ''whom they were'' in all their actions they have taken in their lives, that  were NOT what was best for all life, and within this accepting and allowing from within my participation in this world together with them the atrocities that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be/become in this world.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to put a mask on when i talk to religious people or philosophical people as in treating them with caution, instead of saying it as it is, as what is happening for real in this physical world and explain to them how we are the ones accepting and allowing all those things we ourselves whom are pretending that we are ''good people'' trying to avoid the so called: ''bad/wrong/negative'' to exist and never give a time a day to really make sure that we change it once and for all so none have to go through all of the suffering and abuse that are done to life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be labeled/classified as a ''good guy'' in others eyes, just because i am supporting them with some tasks, when in reality supporting them with some tasks has nothing to do with being a ''good guy'' or not, it is about realizing/seeing/understanding that some other being as me need assistance/support in that particular moment and that it is best for all, because i would have liked being helped with some tasks to, if i were unable to do it alone or that it would be to much of a weight on me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ''feel'' good about myself when i am being told at work that i am a ''good guy'' just because i am helping everybody as best as i can taking some weight of the work-pressure away from them, alleviating the physical strains of the body especially when i can see the women working there are tired and can't take it any more.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be a '' nice guy'' as in believing/thinking, that being a ''nice guy'' is congruent with being a ''good guy'' and is thus essential to be like this in order to survive in a system where one is in competition and wants to win from the others in order to survive better.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel ''good'' about myself when others see me and comment to me, that i am a ''good guy'' a '' nice guy'' a '' well mannered guy''  a ''caring individual'' a ''someone who comes up for others'' when in reality i realize/see/understand that i am just feeding my ego with these characteristics,they are all mannerisms to survive in this world that many have in this life, and that i as one of them accept and allow instead of  just living and doing/taking actions  from the starting point of that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel even tired of being this ''good guy'' '' nice guy'' ''well mannered guy'' ''caring guy'' ''someone who comes up for others'' because i just see/realize/understand that it does not bring any actual real physical/practical change into this world, they are just personality traits that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world.


I commit myself to walk my process in every breath and to be aware of my feelings/emotions/thoughts as for me not to participate into them but by living me as the breath here using common sense and that which is best for all as the principle.


I commit myself to one by one put out my personalities till there are no more, till i am just here living the principle as that which is best for all life in every breath till it is done.


I commit myself to act from the starting point of that which is best for all instead of ''feeling good'' or ''expecting validation'' of/from others.


I commit myself to prepare myself to become a truly living being and leave behind a fearful being trying to survive in competition against others.




Thanks.


Larry Manuela




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