In this blog i will walk myself to nothingness for 7 years onward of self-forgiveness, self-correction and as so i take upon me all that i have accepted and allowed to be HERE as life as me as all.
Monday, 28 May 2012
Day 42, Privacy
This word is a word that in this country where i find myself has become like a way of living for these people, it is VERY important to them, this privacy bullshit.
Why do i call it ''bullshit'' you may ask..?? Because i can see the real deception in this word that we have accepted and allowed from ourselves to be part of our reality. Let me place some everyday examples, and remember these are just a few, for you and you will see for yourself. Privacy is more like wanting no-one or anything to disturb you in your little personal space. This little personal space can be a lot of things, like: '' not wanting children to make a lot of noise in your vicinity. Not wanting your neighbors to be loud, and this is depending on what you find loud to be. Not wanting animals to be around your little personal space which is your house. Afraid of people finding out what your thoughts are,and in this you will whisper a lot talking to someone else. Not wanting your weekend to be fucked by any unnecessary work like; 'helping someone else for awhile.' Not wanting people that you judge by their culture to be your neighbors. Not wanting people to sit next to you in an open area that you found and thought: '' ooh this is just perfect for me.'' Not wanting a bump in the streets walking up to you and asking you for money or something to eat. Get irritated when children from other parents are having fun playing, but you wish they were quiet like yours. Liking it when you are excluding yourself more and more from society and become angry if someone screw that whole exclusion your busy playing which is more like trying to hide yourself from society. Wanting no-one to hear you scream ''oh my god, i am coming. Irritated when young ones kiss in public area in your face. Becoming irritated on your mobile phone when you have to talk to someone and you are in public area, you want everyone else to be quiet for you to answer your stupid shit. Parking your car miles away avoiding the parking lot, because it is to busy and you want quiet. Not wanting people to look at you when you are eating in PUBLIC. In your house you will have little spaces you call sleeping rooms and depending on the size of the family each will have their own little private room, meaning: '' each having there own little secrets all by themselves, where no-one can see what they are busy doing. Avoiding eye contact when you are busy shopping in supermarkets. Don't want people to come ask you any question about anything, so you will walk with an angry looking face everywhere. You may choose a restaurant that is more hidden from the public then one that is in plane view. Making laws to protect your above: ''in real life happening'' examples. Decided to take a walk in nature, you will hate it when you are there and there are to many people walking already, because you wanted to be alone or with as less people as possible. Many of you reading this will find some examples given here also in your own home, or that you apply yourself. etc etc...........Now i am not placing these as judgements, but just for us to see how much we are busy excluding ourselves and becoming more afraid of each other and how we are giving SECRETS more importance then being open without harming others. We want our hiding game a.k.a. ''secrets'' to be protected. So privacy is just another word for: '' fear of exposure'' '' fear of not wanting to take ones self-responsibility'' '' fear of what others might think/belief of you'' '' fear of facing the real life as it really plays out in reality.'' and much much more fears.
But within this you will see that many will say: '' no, that is NOT what i mean when i say ''PRIVACY.'' I know about you, you are the ones who will use the definition of the word privacy to defend yourself with but when i meet you in real time, you will be living out one of the examples there in the paragraph above....loll lolll The definition is a perfect way to justify how you are day by day getting worst at getting irritated by everything, and also wanting/wishing to exclude yourself more and more up to the point where everyone else have to ''suffer'' in a sense for you to have your little stupid privacy bullshit game. To myself when i look into this privacy word and how it is being lived, i see only the fear that people have, and that these people that want more and more privacy are most of the times the ones gossiping more about others, and have lots of secrets and lots of back-chats going on, and above all fear LIFE/living the most..!!
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself from myself and others and using the word ''privacy'' to do this.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how privacy has as it's source: FEAR..!!
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that life is about being private when obviously, life is about being known, totally open, so within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make life a prisoner every time i want privacy.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see how in having privacy or making all kinds of excuses to have privacy is me being afraid of myself,as what i belief/think others might belief/think of me, which i am so afraid of, so within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my self-judgment and created a nice little defense mechanism called: '' privacy.''
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how by participating in privacy i was participating in making sure the fear of being open as a living human being, express yourself as a human has little by little been captured by fear more and more to the extent that life has become something that is totally fearful, that we have to hide to live.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief/think that sex should be something that is private, in this totally accepting and allowing the rape of my own expression of my human physical body being touched. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that openly having sex is a ''bad/wrong'' thing to do, when sex itself is totally something physical and natural to the body.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make sex a secret by privatizing it, and in so doing making sure that it will be more and more unnatural with each passing day, making one of our expressions as a ''bad'' thing, a ''vile'' thing to do,especially in the open, it MUST be private..!! So i forgive myself for accepting and allowing sex to be an occurrence in this world where it will be ''bad'' and ''vile'' because i and the majority of the other humans has made it so, we are creating the experience of ourselves as what we define ourselves to be.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand by how me privatizing sex, has contributed to all the sexual related crimes and sexual addictions in this world.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make everything private where i fear others might know my own self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a room without a door to close it, because it will mean that everyone can see what i am doing in my room, implying that there are things that i do, that i fear others finding out about me, so i prefer not to go through that whole consequence of them finding out my secrets so i will hide them behind close doors.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how i as one of those whom have in this world, can afford such luxuries as having a privacy of ones own, when the have nots in this world can mostly not afford having any if not at all privacy, they are openly poor, openly starving, openly living in fuck-up homes,when the really really rich ones are secretly rich, secretly having their ''good'' life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see how being rich is truly having secrets, so in this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to all the times i wished/wanted to be rich to, when being rich as it exist in this world is having a secret and having a secret means i am NOT one and equal with and as life. Life is NOT a secret..!!
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find it ''normal'' in society that we should have our privacy, implying our fears to be protected from others.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the monetary system as a system that is private and in this secretive,making sure now that the monetary system can be protected and not questioned because of privacy issues.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to do whatever it takes to protect privacy, believing/thinking that i was doing something ''good'' when in reality privacy is not necessary at all, because i can life is open for all to see.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never have questioned how it is expressing oneself as life can be private..??
I commit myself to make sure to expose privacy for what it really means and stands for in this world, for the value we have given it, which is one that is not in alignment with what we truly are as life, physical expressions of life expressing life/living.
I commit myself to through writing, self-forgiveness and my commitments show as an example that life is not to be privatized but lived and make it as easy as possible so others whom are seeing privacy as very very important to put down their guards and start really living.
I commit myself through breath by breath let go little by little of the idea of PRIVACY.