Sunday, 13 May 2012

Day 28, Questioning, But Without Questioning Who I Am.

In this blog i am going to do self-forgiveness for the things i have questioned and for the things i have not questioned within my life as the ''who am i.''  I was questioning a lot of stuff, but always from the perspective of the ME being in separation to all of it, me being an observer, me being an spectator.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to to question the people around me without me questioning ME within the participation of me with all these people i was busy questioning.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to question the events in this world without questioning the who i am within the cause as the effect that culminated into the event i was questioning.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to question the words of people, looking at it if it make sense, without realizing/seeing/understanding that i was questioning the words of people only based on my limited view and understanding of how the workings of words truly are, without me being self-aware of the extent of the ''whom we are'' within and as our words.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to question the information in the bible without questioning at first my belief as in why i needed to search in a book as the bible for me to understand the who i am in this moment.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to question the people in my life that i saw/believed were lying, just because they already had built a reputation of being liars, so my starting point of questioning them was on my own acceptance and allowance of dishonesty within me, and from there questioning the dishonesty without me, instead of questioning everything from the starting point of what is best for all, and so questioning automatically what is best for me to.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how i was questioning, but was questioning in vanity, was questioning in spitefulness, instead of me questioning from the perspective of how to change me in self-honesty, in order for me to be an effective participant within a world in peril, where life is being abused and harmed in all kinds of ways.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear questioning myself in the middle of all what i was questioning as for me, as being ''bad/wrong/negative'' without questioning how it is that i am here in this world participating in this world where an reality of opposites and polarities are the way we live with each other, so in this meaning: '' i am a being living in/as opposite and polarity within myself, within a world of opposites and polarities, so no matter what side i choose to live as, it will always be just the other opposite of the polarity, but it will NOT eradicate or make the other opposite of the polarity none existent, because i have chosen to be living in and as the other side of the polarity as the opposite thereof. It just means i am a participant in the game of polarities and opposites, that will never end if i don't end me(mind personality) in it as a participant and supporter of this harmful game.''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear questioning my own parents when i knew within myself that what they were accusing me of doing, was not true, but yet did not stand my ground and question them, because of the fear of authority that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the point as where ''one should not go there'' '' authority is not to be questioned'' was to much in me, for me to take a stand/stance and question there reason for accusing me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not question myself when i saw and knew i was using manipulation to win from others as me, because i knew within me that to question myself will mean i will face the truth of me, which i am so afraid to face and let alone to change me in participating and using manipulation to deceive and win from others as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not question the times i was experiencing emotional turmoil within my life within myself, not questioning how it come, that i have to have these emotions afterwards and during an event, when they are not needed at all when the what is busy happening and/or was happening will not STOP because i am being emotional about what is going on.  ( within this let me give an example, when i was busy taking a beat down from my mother for something i did that was supposedly wrong, the pain that i was going through from the beating, did not change when i was getting the beating and becoming less or was stopping. what you experience as energy within your chest area does not do nothing at all to the real event that is busy going on.)

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be just an observer/an spectator when questioning what the heck is going on within this world, completely leaving my self-participation within all of it either directly or in-directly.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe/think that by questioning alone everything that was busy happening outside of me, would somehow change me for the better, change me in becoming a better person, when in reality i was not changing at all, because i was just questioning, but no practical corrective application was being done, because of me never ever seeing myself as being also the one as the others creating this whole mess that we find ourselves in and as.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT question all the times i was in a state of ''feeling love.'' 

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT question why it is i/we need a feeling of love to validate our existence in this reality as worthy and worthwhile. 

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to question love, when i was out of love, but in this did not question the '' out of love feeling'' i was experiencing but was questioning the one that apparently made me go through the feeling of experiencing being ''out of love.''

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself into not questioning my own feelings of love to/towards others as me, as to why it is i have to feel for them first this feeling in order for them to be valuable and accepted by and through me.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even rely on such a thing as love as for me to be an accepted and allowed member of society that is also looking for this magic limited feeling, that only is experienced on the basis of self-interest.

 

I forgive myself  that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how in participating in NOT questioning what was/is going on within myself as experiences as thoughts/feelings/emotions, would made of me an active participant as in how the world system functions as i in this do not see that i am creating with others as me all the outflows of circumstances and consequences that we ourselves are trying to get rid of.

 

I commit myself to question myself more profoundly in self-honesty my participation within this world in the minor scale and greater scale, as for this see for myself where i have to correct myself in order to make sure i don't create consequences that are NOT what is best for all life.

 

I commit myself to not look for answer in questioning things, but to become aware as in how i and the rest is contributing to the way we live here on this planet, in this reality, in this world, hence doing my writing, self-forgiveness and corrective applications that are practically livable for me.

 

I commit myself to always walk with those who are making a commitment to come up with real physical/tangible/practical solutions that are best for all life here.

 

 

Thanks.

 

Larry Manuela

 

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