In this blog i will walk myself to nothingness for 7 years onward of self-forgiveness, self-correction and as so i take upon me all that i have accepted and allowed to be HERE as life as me as all.
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Day 51, The Malevolence Of LovE.
Why the title like that, you would ask, right..??
Very simple, because LOVE as it is being talked about, and valued, and promoted, and portrayed in this world has never ever throughout history managed to bring about a world that is BEST for ALL LIFE, with all the people in this world that so-called: ''love''...!!!! This simple common sense-look, has taken love down of it's throne. Everyone experienced love in some form or another but yet, it has not managed to be practical, to make the whole earth experience one that is lovely and benevolence for all living creatures.
Why should i use something like that, that have shown me with physical/practical proof that it doesn't work, it does not support LIFE. It only supports self-interest, what one wants/needs/desire. And all the things one wants/needs/desire are all only for the best interest of oneself alone,and one will go as far as even destroying and hurting others to obtain these, render all these benevolence TALKS about love nihil, pure bullshit..!!
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never see/realize/understand how the love i was feeling within me was not active as an expression of myself within my own environment and my world at large that i find myself within.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only have a feeling of love and that is it..!! within this the feeling of love was never ''big'' enough to get out and walk as what the feeling feels like which is: ''good/right/positive.''
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see that my world with everyone and everything within it is NOT '' good/right/positive'' but is exactly the opposite of all these, which are: ''bad/wrong/negative,'' they are so evident and obvious that i have to run and look for the opposite of them, when what exists is the ones that i am trying to run from, and is what i am as what i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world, because i question myself how can i run from something that is here in my face, and then look for something that is not here to cover up and pretend to hide what is here, but yet never stand within it and take my responsibility for it and STOP me as it, as i am an participant in and as it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to value the love that i feel more then LIFE, and even have the guts to compare love with LIFE or even see love as LIFE,all because when i feel love, it feels good, and everything that feels ''good'' as i have been brainwashed is, a go in this world, a green light. As long as it feels good no need to question, but i am not looking how this ''feel good'' is only happening within me, and that the world outside is not what this feeling of goodness is letting me feel at all, it's the contrary, it is the reason and source even of my looking for a ''good feeling'' within me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to do whatever it takes in my life for love but very very little as in nothing for LIFE, the only LIFE i am doing something for is my own and that in self-interest alone, not for me to be doing something that will benefit all equally the same, including me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see how in my own feeling of love i was in separation, because i am unable to feel this love the same for everyone and everything, when LIFE is everywhere the same for everything and everyone. Everyone and everything have this ONE LIFE equally so on planet earth..!!
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall pray to all the wonderful sayings of love in this world, that have their existence in movies, in songs, in poems, in philosophies, in religion, in spirituality, in politics and many other sources but yet all of it, the beautiful and wonderful talks about love are never practical, as real as the physical reality, they are just beautiful shit i accept and allow in order to NOT have to stand up and take my responsibility for the world i am in and as.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to consider and rely on my beliefs in love to be something that i can trust and use in order for me to live a better life, not ever seeing/realizing/understanding how my love that i felt was never alive, and practical in this world, it was only a fleeting illusion as a feeling within me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use love as an escape to not face what is here, as what i have accepted and allowed me to be/become and what i have accepted and allowed this world to be and become.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed by others that tell me that they love me, when the love they feel inside themselves is only being felt in them alone and that they cannot ''love me'' in fact at all, because the love that they talk about is their own feeling not mine, so they cannot ''feel me'' as they experience the feeling of love within themselves to/towards me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never see/realize/understand that how every time i was saying to people that i love them, i was in fact/reality only loving myself, because it is impossible for me to feel what others feel inside myself, which renders the saying: ''i love you'' as NOT valid and not real and impossible, the experience of love that i go through within me only i experience it, based on what i have accepted and allowed within myself that i would feel this feeling for and to/towards, it is ALL me ALONE, i am just using what i see outside of me as the body of the person or the whatever i like about the person for me myself to generate the experience of love within me, has nothing to do with the person itself in fact, the person doesn't and can't send me the love that he/she might be busy generating inside him/herself to be experienced for and by him/herself alone...!!!
I commit myself to show through my writing, self-forgiveness and commitments that love is NOT what we belief/think it is.
I commit myself to debunk this love wherever i am, for what it really is, so others may wake up from their delusion and participation in Energy as the feeling of love.
I commit myself to show that love is NOT practical at all in this world, and will never be, until love become an equal and one EXPRESSION of all humans, so that love and the act of love are both one and equal in and as ALL humans, and only then is my love real and practical.