Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Day 69, Back-Chat, Why We Don't Care

I have been having this back-chat where i justify and blame me and everyone else for not taking our responsibility to/towards/for LIFE.

 

  

When most of us hear the word ''responsibility'' it is most of the time connected to taking care of children and whomever else that is part of the people close to someone. And that is about it, and we see this as if we are very responsible beings, but yet if one have a closer look into what is really going on and how they system we are busy supporting, that was suppose to support us, is NOT mirroring support at all.  It is mirroring abuse,it is mirroring greed, and control, mirroring all the things we consider: ''bad/wrong/negative.''


It is time for us as me as all to take a stand, and stand for that which is best for all life, where we walk to correct ourselves till we are one and equals forever more, where separation from LIFE is DONE..!!


Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat where i blame myself and others as myself for we don't take life seriously and dedicate ourselves to living for real, but only care for our own survival alone on the backs of billions of life-forms.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to partake into the emotion of anger, to/towards myself and others outside myself because i see i and them are not seeing/realizing/understanding how serious our problem really is, because if we don't change ourselves we are doomed for real to destroy ourselves and lots and lots of other beings, when all of that is not necessary at all, when we all just have to STOP what we are doing/living and do and live in another way that supports all of life equally as the BEST so not one should suffer, but have the best life that is possible in every moment of breath that they are here, so we will forever more only create what is best and evolve as whole creating always from the perspective of what is BEST for ALL LIFE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for they are unwilling to stand, when i know they are as lost as myself within their mind consciousness system, where they as me will try as we may to NOT take our responsibility, because we KNOW we will loose most if not ALL what we hold dear in this world.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge a girl at work as looking beautiful and saying within myself: '' waw, now that is a girl i would like to be with''


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel a reaction within me when i looked at someones face at work and where i assume that the  way i was looked at, it had jealousy all over it. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have to have thoughts of jealousy and assumption to exist within me as me. And within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel a little angry about this and also uneasiness to/towards this person.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge a woman i saw outside today when i was walking to the supermarket and she was putting her garbage out, she had a long tights jeans on and red-high heels, and she just looked perfect in my eyes, all the ingredients that i would be attracted to. within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at her face and her ass in the jeans for me to get an imprint as to place a memory of her into my mind so i can use later on or whenever i will be thinking about woman.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to worry how i would look like if i am to go outside to the supermarket, so i just pampered myself a little, washing my face to make sure that if there in the supermarket would be someone that like me, i will have better chances to succeed.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad for my ex. when she told me, that my son broke his shoes and now have no shoes and that she does not have the money to buy him a new one as of right now. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel also the emotion of anger, because my son is going to have to wait till tomorrow afternoon when i get my weekly pay, for me then to sent to the mother for her to buy him a new shoe.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought of my son having no shoes to the emotion of anger to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect sadness to exist within me as me, as to when i heard from my ex. that she is stressed because she can't afford new shoes for my son.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought: '' now i really need a woman.''


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get a little excited when i colleague of mine asked me if i was interesting to go on vacation with her and there i will find a beautiful lady/girl to marry, because she is from one of these Islamic countries where marriage is very important, and that it made me think about it, just because i would like to have me some woman now, any woman will do. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look into this invite as an opportunity to get me a woman, and get to experience sex again with a woman after a long time. within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand how within my mind i was giving in into the exploitation of woman for sex based on their culture that see woman as a prize, something to get marry to and have sex with and make children.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the people of this country as people whom are careless about the ''happiness'' of their own children, but will marry their children especially if it is a daughter to a man that in their eyes will take care of the daughter financially, where in most cases the daughter will have nothing to say about the decision at all.


I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into judgements/reactions/blame/anger/justifications, to........STOP.......take a deep Breath and bring myself here in and as my breath, within my human physical body and make sure to touch my body any part in order for me to know for sure that i am here as and within my touch with and as the physical that is real, that i can trust.


I commit myself to through my writings to show how i am stopping myself through self-forgiveness and corrective action and my life commitments to get out of my back-chats and move into and as my human physical body.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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