In this blog i will walk myself to nothingness for 7 years onward of self-forgiveness, self-correction and as so i take upon me all that i have accepted and allowed to be HERE as life as me as all.
Saturday, 16 June 2012
Day 61, I Will Give You My All.
Yes, i am continuing with the all so sweet lies that we men like to address so much when we are so-called: ''in love'' or better put, have found a mate to have sex with.
Some of us do mean it, but it is connected with what we ''feel'' and not in as walking as one as equals as LIFE with each other, as standing as in the totality as whom we are as in and as LIFE and express/share that as a gift with each other.
I will give you my all, only means: '' i will give you my feelings of love,the good feelings i have to/towards you and that is about it.''
Now understand that all we know in this world in terms of relationships are built upon these ''good feelings'' This is all everyone who talks about relationships are talking about, and wishing and wanting to go through, this ''good feeling'' that we will term: ''love.''
Now ''love'' to us(men) mostly means SEX in many many ways, we are just playing along with this whole fuzzy feeling thing, but it is all about us getting to experience that thing called: ''SEX.''
Why are we so hooked up with feelings..?? Have you questioned your feelings..?? Why do you have them..?? why are they not constant and consistent, and why is it that you are relying on them and NOT LIFE itself..?? Do you live because of feelings or do you live because of you having LIFE...?? If you already know that only LIFE can give life, so why is LIFE not THE most important thing in your LIFE, but yet you choose ''feelings''....?? Feelings cannot exist without the human physical body, so this means the body is more then any and all feelings you ever had with the whole of humanity together throughout time.
So here we are as humans giving our gift as LIFE away for feelings. Sad isn't it, that even when you can see what i am sharing here in common sense you will still choose your feelings no matter what, while LIFE is slowing down/stretched for you to just realize this simple thing,and when you do, to make the decision to stand for LIFE. That is all it takes and that is when you start to really walk your process from the perspective of you now knowing it, that you are aware that you made the decision for real.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to say to woman that i will give my all to them, when ''my all'' only meant my feelings, and everything related to those feelings.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be self-dishonest within myself, knowing perfectly well in those moments that i will NOT give my all at all never, because in my mind i was having this protective mode on, that is watching for anything that will not support the self-interest of the personality that i am as an immediate thread. So within this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this sentence to protect my own self-interest.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate the woman into making them belief that what i was saying, i was meaning it, when in reality i didn't.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use such sentences because i knew they would sound big and like the greatest gift ever one can give to another, just in order for me to get what i wanted which is in essence someone to have sex with, and within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make them belief that they were special to me, and that was the reason i would give them such a great gift as in the words: ''my all.''
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link/connect the whole sentence: '' i will give you my all'' to specialness, without seeing/realizing/understanding that specialness implies separation and can't be part of all ever, so within this contradicting myself completely and sabotaging myself and the other more into this separation game.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how a simple play of words can have devastating effect in ones own life and life of others.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never have given myself completely as in expressing myself as LIFE, as matter of fact there was not one time i was expressing me as LIFE, it is/was always surviving out of fear.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take survival and make it something that i have to fear in order to do it, and hence make survival a fearful thing.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to say: '' i will give you my all'' purely for the purpose of getting my will, my desires fulfilled.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always have used words as a measurement for getting myself into a sexual experience with a woman, and if she is one that i would like to have sex with for a longer period of time i would use words that will make me seem special and as the one to them, when i am just one of them(men) who wants the same thing but for a longer time.
I commit myself to show that we men most of the time don't mean what we say to woman, we are more inclined into getting the sex form the woman, and use those things that the woman would find important and of value in order to get this one thing which is: ''SEX.''
I commit myself to debunk the sayings we man use so the women whom will read them can be more prepared when talking to man that they find attractive, because that is what this is all about, when you as a woman find a man attractive, we as men will find almost any woman with some body parts that fall into the category of fuckable to us as attractive.
I commit myself to show that this whole male/female game of trying to manipulate each other using some nice words is all just a lid to hide the true desire underneath it all, which is SEX