In this blog i will walk myself to nothingness for 7 years onward of self-forgiveness, self-correction and as so i take upon me all that i have accepted and allowed to be HERE as life as me as all.
Friday, 29 June 2012
Day 71, Reactions On Time.
I have been struggling with this one point of ''time'' in relation to how much time i have got and also how much time i invest in my process. I sometimes wish i have a vacation of everyday routines, that seem to overwhelm me, and then when i do have time i go into this fucking back-chat again and again, wasting time that i don't have much.
Now i am with 3 other friends in a 21 days hands-Off walk where we are not going to have sex, nor masturbate when the urges and so forth rise. But guess what i already fucked it up. I had to give myself a helping hand...lol
I am going to be walking this SEX-point for a loooooooonnnnnnnggggg time...!!! I will NOT give-up, even though i have give in for a few times now, in total i have given in on this masturbation thing 4 times already, because i also started on my own before, and of course without any ''success'' or personal achievement as in get it over and done within that 1-ONE point.
If one have been reading our journey to LIFE blogs, one will notice that each have their one particular point within themselves that is more deeply rooted and have lots of roots in the body everywhere that needs to be uprooted with self-forgiveness and self-honesty, and then walk as the correction one will place as for one to LIVE practically, nothing too difficult that one knows one won't be able to practically walk it, but one that is walkable for oneself practically.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse to not have time, when i can see within and throughout my day, how much time i do have available to do my task in relation to my standing and changing myself to that which is BEST for all LIFE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat: '' come-on, you know this is to much for you, let us just go back to the old wonderful life where we can fuck as much girls as we want, you know you want this'' to exist within me as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat: '' let's go out and find a girl so we can have SEX for crying out loud'' to exist within me as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only have back-chats coming out now related to sex, just because i am attacking my sex drive as in stopping myself within it as me as it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if i am holding the others back by not sticking to my commitment of hands-off walk.Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty and not able to do it, when all it takes is me to breathe through it and stick to my commitment till it resides and do my self-forgiveness on it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to waste lots of precious time on back-chat instead of taking breaths and do the things i have to do to make things done.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself within my own back-chats instead of pushing myself through my commitments to life and to the group.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself see/realize/understand that the time i spent in my mind back-chatting are moments in breaths i give life away as my choice to be one and equal as it as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let SEX even influence my time i have in regards to what i have to get done to birthing myself as LIFE, here in the physical.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the repeated pattern that i have created myself in the past, that is now coming to haunt me in the future as the now. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create patterns within me that are all sexually related, layers upon layers from the imaginary to the real actual picture that was taken from real events and moments within my life-experience when i was engaging in sex.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to delay myself by back-chatting away in regards to SEX, for me not to do what is necessary for me to be doing. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a habit upon that which is layered within me as patterns.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the same thought over and over every time i reach home, which is: '' imagine, if you could win millions of Euro's, what would you do..??? and within this i will answer myself with; ' i will pay all my debts, then buy me a little apartment with everything in it, buy a normal car, and 85% of it i will give it to desteni for us to move faster as a group.' '' to exist within me as me, which i use as a escape to NOT do what i have to do when it comes to my commitments to LIFE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to keep on postponing my reading of the heavensjourneys blog, just because i ''feel'' like it is too much for me to handle.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself into wasting my time in NOT doing what is needed to be done, to get this thing done, which is: '' to bring about a world that is BEST for all LIFE''
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link system-time to my process instead of being here as in breath-time, and in this matter WASTE time, that are wasted moments where i could have realized something more about myself that needs urgent correction.
I commit myself to through my writings of self-forgiveness and my commitments to life to show that in order for one to let go off one's patterns, it takes guts and lots of dedication and diligence to transcend one's own self-created layers that make of one the personality one have become in this world.
I commit myself to make a list of the things i have to do, and do them according to the list and get what is on the list done, without putting time-table to it.
I commit myself to STOP myself in my breath when i am daydreaming my moments away, where i could've used them all effectively to self-realize more layers of patterns and relationships related to the patterns, and do more deconstructing and corrections.
I commit myself to NEVER give up on myself as LIFE, because as long as i am HERE, LIFE is NOT giving up on ME, so i will give to LIFE the same, till i am stable and can stand in all storms and just be HERE.