In this blog i will walk myself to nothingness for 7 years onward of self-forgiveness, self-correction and as so i take upon me all that i have accepted and allowed to be HERE as life as me as all.
Monday, 18 June 2012
Day 63, The contradiction Of Love.
Today i read a friends quote: '' I spit on those who go out of my life. I will find a replacement for everyone. But those who stayed, I love more than life! ''
And friend if you are reading this do not take this personal, just look at the words we use in our languages as what they are. And we debunk the who we are within ourselves that is not nice and beautiful as many think/belief.
I had some reactions within me when seeing such statements, because i know people, like us in this world like to say things to boost our EGOS up, and look big and strong and full of guts in the eyes of the others, but we are never really standing still and have a closer look at what we are really really saying and to what extent it can influence others in their particular lives and that what we are saying is something we can NOT even live, and that it is NOT supporting all life practically at all.
Now lets look at the first part: '' I Spit On Those Who Go Out Of My Life.''
When i take those words and place them as my words i see this: '' those who has hurt me in some way or another or that have just left me alone i will hate them, for leaving me alone, for hurting me, for leaving me at all.''
and for the second part: '' but, those who stayed i love more then life!''
Now here again when i take those words and place them as my words i see this: '' i only love people whom value me myself and i alone, they support my ego personality, they will never challenge me, so i will love them.''
Now when i look at this whole sentence as my words in common sense i can see that they are NOT supporting LIFE. I see lots of rage and anger within myself, and hate to/towards those whom apparently left me in the dry as they say. I see them as those whom wasn't there for me for whatever fuck-up i had in my life, where i believed i needed them and their support, but within this i forgot about me supporting myself and did not see that whatever that is going on within me is only going on within me and me alone, no-one else goes through the experience but me myself and I. All the hate and anger and spitefulness is all only in me, not in them whom left me alone. The responsibility for what goes on within me is mine alone, i cannot blame others for what goes on within me, and even when i do blame others i am blaming myself, because the blame is coming from me not them, it's all ME..!! I am the source of the blame.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for what goes on within my own mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand how blame itself is always Self-blame, it is NEVER the other person or thing no matter what it is, it is always SELF. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how the blame that is existent within me as an emotional charge is only within me, and that i then project this blame as an emotional charge to/towards others outside of me as if they are the source of the blame as an emotional charge( in the form of anger/hate/spitefulness) within me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place the word ''love'' as something as so high in regard and even dare to make it MORE then LIFE, when there is nothing more then LIFE, because i know for sure that love can never be real if there is no life, love depends on LIFE, so it can NEVER ever be more then life as is everything else. Thus i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize/understand that Everything that depends on LIFE can never be more then what it depends on which is LIFE, and that i did not see this is simple common sense.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the words ''spit on those'' as in seeing them as the vile, or as unworthy, and deserving to be treated as dirt i can spit on.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the emotion of hate to exist within me to/towards others as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the emotion of anger to exist within me to/towards others as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the emotion of spite to exist within me to/towards others as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make choices on behave of people that will agree with me and those whom i see that will challenge me, i will spite them and disagree with them, for not assisting and supporting the personality i belief/think i am.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give the personality that i BELIEF i am more value then the manifested life that I AM as my human physical body. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my own body and all bodies to continue the existence of me as the personality that i belief i am.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see love as something that makes me ''feel good'' within myself and an action as in doing ''good deeds'' for others, but all for the premise to what it will make me feel and not as what is my self-responsibility for being here as an expression of life with certain capabilities where i can assist and support other life-forms/expressions as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief and think that just because ''love'' is experienced within me as a ''good feeling'' that i should value it above everything else, and just because i have been brainwashed through and by society to always look for this love as the ultimate feeling i give it more value then all the other feelings, without seeing/realizing/understanding that they are all feelings, thus feeling manifesting itself in many forms, and in this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this ''good feeling as love'' as an excuse to NOT take my responsibility for what i see as ''bad/wrong/negative'' in this world practically, instead i choose to go into my mind and find happiness and bliss while the world continue to suffer for real in my face practically. And no matter how many experiences of bliss and happiness i can generate within me,they will never make me become practical in solving all the atrocities in this world, because i will just sit and be happy and experience bliss in the middle of all the suffering around me,and see the suffering as NOT real and my experience of bliss and happiness as real.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never saw how in happiness and bliss, in their very essence they are evil, because they make me NOT see/realize/understand for real what is really going on and that i have to take my responsibility and in this make me careless and without compassionate, i will only use these words, but never live them practically, to support all LIFE equally and as ONE.
I commit myself to expose through my writings all that is here as words as what we give meanings to, and show how they don't support LIFE, but abuse LIFE in many ways, and that this is NOT a blame but an exposure as the words we have we live as us in this world, that we need to STOP living them, and live words that support life practically, not Abuse it.!!
I commit myself to show through my writing, self-forgiveness and my commitments to life that i will assist and support others as me that are not yet seeing/realizing/understanding what they are doing to themselves and others as themselves, and within this take their words and make them mine and do self-forgiveness on them as my words for that to is my responsibility as LIFE, because i am HERE.